I have written a great deal about some of the challenges and joys of being a new dad and I guess the theme of this post is more about the increasingly evident change in my identity as I continue to grow in that role. First of all, let me couch this post by saying that despite outside appearances, I am not sure I ever really had "it" all together. I have been quite successful in my life thus far, I have an incredible family, a job I love, I was fortunate to go to University (twice) and I have been able to do some of the things I love along the way. So what has changed? Well, the answer to this is none of the above but best relates to my own perceptions of my own value and ability as I have moved into dad-dom.
One of the things that happens as a Dad, or parent for that matter, is that what was once your time to pull yourself together, get organized and reflect and learn from your experiences disappears. It is replaced by getting other things sort of organized while you run out the door (hopefully with both shoes) to an appointment, swimming lesson or visit...and I am pretty sure that this only increases once your children are walking, playing organized sports, taking piano/guitar lessons, etc. The time you spent reflecting and learning you now spend teaching and learning how to teach...all in all, it feels a bit like somebody found whatever rug you were standing on, gave it a quick tug and while you are falling tosses balls in the air and expects you to catch them. As a detail oriented person, the greatest challenge to my now topsy-turvy life is giving up on some of the details. This goes beyond prioritizing and is more about coming to terms with the fact that there will be times (many times) that you won't be able to give something your all...in fact, I might say that if you are a perfectionist, having a child or in our case, children is a pretty easy way to learn to be satisfied with less than perfect.
Is this a bad thing, I don't necessarily think so. Since James and Andrew were born, I have learned when to be perfect and when to be adequate, and what I can say is that an easy way to prioritize is to start with your family and let everything else follow from there. After all, once your kids are born, it's not really about you anymore...it's really about them or better than that, us. For example, last September, I was finishing up a course for my Masters when James and Andrew arrived. I worked hard to pull my final assignment together but quickly realized that it would be challenging to put my all into my work with so much going on in my life. So, I did something I hadn't done in a long time and simply got something done...it was not perfect, but it was adequate...I got my mark, not my highest...but adequate and I moved on...still have a bit to go on that Masters but I am pretty sure I will get there.
So my little men who are now starting to crawl and explore...it's important to remember that often while we try to be perfect, sometimes it's just not possible. Details are important and being good at detailed work will often set you apart from those you work with, but it is often equally vital for you to be able to determine what requires all of the details to be spot on and what you simply need to get done. As I mentioned above, the one place where I will always strive for perfection is with our family and I hope you will feel that is the case. In the end what I hope you take from this, and what I have learned, is that perfection is something that we often strive for in our own work, in many cases exceeding expectations. When this strive for perfection impacts getting something done, or challenges your ability to fulfill your obligations it indeed becomes problematic. In most of these cases, you do not need to be perfect...recognizing that almost everything you do is a beginning and not an ending...what I mean by this is that there is almost always an opportunity to build on what you have done...So, be happy with what you can accomplish, remember to strive for perfection where it is truly needed and where you find value and don't be afraid to be happy with your best efforts even if there is still room to improve.
Love, Dad
PS - I love the fact that you are crawling and getting into everything but if you could be a little gentler with my DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince CDs I would greatly appreciate it...I have to maintain some memory of when Will Smith was just a skinny rapper from West Philadelphia (Born and Raised)...I'll show you the youtube clips sometime (that is if youtube is still relevant when you read this).
