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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Life Lesson for my Little Men #10

So I was hoping to write a fun loving piece about our first Christmas with the boys but that has proven to be a bit challenging.  On Christmas Day I received a call from my Dad, the kind you never want to receive, during which he informed me that my best friend had passed away that evening.  I would like to write the rest of this entry in tribute to him and to help me with processing his early exit from our lives. 

Kyle has always been a part of my life.  Since we were in diapers (and perhaps even before that) we have walked through life together.  Growing up in the country, close friends were tough to have, but I was lucky enough to grow up with Kyle and his family.  It was almost like having two moms and two dads, two brothers and two more sisters.  Yearly trips to Wonderland, afternoons by the pool, birthday parties, and of course our involvement in soccer always brought the two of us together.  Kyle always did everything first.  He went to school a full year before I did.  He started skiing before I did.  He got his license before I did.  He went away to university before I did.  But each time, I would catch up and he would help me along the way.  In grade 7 I moved schools and for the first time I would attend the same one as Kyle.  I knew nobody else and despite being a grade higher, Kyle took me under his wing, introduced me to his friends and helped me find my way.  At about the same time, Kyle taught me to ski.  I had the opportunity to take a few lessons with an instructor but I can honestly say that Kyle's methods (including sending me down a black diamond as my first run) worked wonders and I quickly found my new winter sport.  We spent the next six years skiing together at least once a week.  At one point, not sure when, Kyle took up snowboarding.  He made this transition with incredible ease and I often looked up to him about how easy it came to him.

When the time came to pick a university, I was between a couple of schools.  I went to visit Kyle at Wilfrid Laurier University which sold me on going there.  We lived together for two years there and had some incredible times.  Burying cars, Chicken Wings and Leaf Games, playing Golden Eye,  attending football games...and when there was time studying.  Kyle used to tell a story about how we stayed up late one night studying, he went to bed to get a good night's sleep leaving me to finish cramming the last little bit of information into my head.  As we sat down to write the exam, the answers were all there and I flew through the first few pages.  However, somewhere between the 3rd and 4th page I drifted off (to sleep).  Kyle was behind me and saw my head dip, he signaled the proctor and asked to use the washroom.  On the way by my hard desk like pillow, he smacked me in the back of the head, I woke up, finished the exam and we went on our way.

After university, Kyle went on to be an amazing teacher and I left to work in a city about 4 hours away from home.  We got together a couple of times a year and it was always like old times.  With Kyle, it didn't matter how often we saw each other, it was always like old times.  In the summer of 2007 both of us got married.  I got the better of him and tied the knot first.  Kyle had planned a destination wedding and once he had found out we were getting married he and his fiancee (at the time) had decided to have the wedding after ours so that we could incorporate it into our honeymoon plans.  He always looked out for me.  

Time marched on and Kyle became a dad to three beautiful children.  He truly blossomed as a father.  The love for his kids and his family shone through each and every day.  We began playing soccer together again and I would get weekly updates about how work was going but more importantly how the kids and Tracy were doing.  With each and every visit, I knew Kyle had found his true calling.  He was the kind of father we should all aim to be, truly connected to his children, laughing with them as they learned, loving them each and everyday.

This past year, when he found out we were having twins he was incredibly excited.  He announced the news at a soccer practice to a bunch of the guys we had grown up playing with.  When the boys were born he and Tracy were quick to volunteer anything that we would need.  Thanks to Kyle, both of my boys had "Handsome Like Daddy" onesies (Kyle only had one boy, so I always found this pretty funny).  Kyle and Tracy came to visit us in the hospital and got to meet both of our little guys.  We got to catch up on a lot of things, as the two of us, both busy, were not keeping up our weekly updates at soccer.  We were really looking forward to Christmas when we could all get together and my boys could meet their uncle Kyle.

When tragedy strikes, we are often left a little dazed, surrounded by confusion and chaos, but also a weird sense of clarity.  When I heard about Kyle's passing everything here and now became fuzzy...clarity was brought back in vivid memories and visions of what was to be.  Pain surged through my body in realizing how much we had all lost and I shuddered in agony anytime I thought about his family and what they were going through and what was ahead for them.  Kyle has always treated me like family, and like the rest of his family often put me first.  He built me up when needed and brought me back to earth at times when that was important.  He was truly my best friend and a brother to me.


So here goes a life lesson for my little men on your first Christmas.  The measure of your life isn't  what you have accumulated but rather who you have impacted.  Kyle's impact on my life will be everlasting.  He will be a person I talk about with admiration and respect.  He will always be a true friend and somebody that I love and care about.  You, as my sons, will learn all about him.  You will be a part of our family, get to know his kids, nieces and nephews and hopefully will learn the value of friendship and family from these experiences.  At Christmas time we are often blindsided by a message of consumption and commercialism, each year feeling a need to out-do the last.  This Christmas, I was taught a hard lesson about why life is so much more than that.  Life should be filled with family and friends, which is sometimes challenging in the long distance world we live in.  Try to remember to stay grounded in your priorities and not leave to tomorrow what is important today...and at the top of the list should be those you love.  Each day take time to tell them or better yet show them how much they mean to you.  Live your life filled with love and laughter for those around you and you will truly experience joy and fulfillment.  This is what Kyle did and what we should all try and do just a little bit more.  Love, Dad