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Tuesday, August 18, 2015

New Beginnings = Regrets of a Busy Dad!

So it's been a long time since I have written, which seems to be the starting sentence from my last several blogs.  I imagined writing would get more difficult as time went by simply because of how busy things get, however, I had no idea how hard it would be not only to carve out time but to write a blog based on the parameters I had set out.  This blog will be a departure from that norm.

The countdown has begun.  No, not the Final Countdown, although that was a great sing-a-long song by Journey that made a resurgence a few years back.  I am referring to the countdown to the beginning of school.  

At work, I am a master of change, in terms of managing my stress and emotions.  In fact, I sometimes worry that I am too robotic.  At home is a completely different story.  I have told myself countless times that this is not the end but the beginning.  That billions of people have done this exact thing and it works out fine.  That this will open us up to a whole new chapter.  However, when all of the self talk is done I arrive back at the very same place, it is the end.  We won't be going back.  My boys are in fact growing up.

I try to live my life with minimal regret, I think no regret is impossible as to have no regrets means denying yourself an emotion tied with looking back plus the learning that comes with it.  Minimal regret, however, allows me to look back, determine what I might have done differently and move on.  In this case, minimal regret is tough.  3 years ago, after the boys first birthday I switched jobs.  The new job would bring career fulfillment, a few more dollars but more importantly happiness in what I was doing.  

Ian, what was the downside you might ask?!?! 

Well, almost 3 hours of daily travel.  I went from a 20 minute morning drive/bike ride to 3 hours of car/bike/ train/ walk to work.  And with that, I lost several hours of key parental time.

So now, here I sit evaluating this decision.  I have never been happier in my career (looking for brownie points if any folks at Ryerson are reading this).  I know I am in the 'right' place.  The extra money afforded us the ability to live a certain lifestyle while Adrienne worked from home.  And yet, looking back on the decision, I can't help but feel a tinge of regret...after all we aren't going back.  There were moments I lived through Facetime or similar technologies, pictures on my phone of times I wasn't present for, and the lasting impact of the conflict I face almost weekly in asking the question do I stay a little longer or rush home.  Now I know how my working parents felt.

On the first day of school, I'm going to be a mess.  I know it already.  I'll be strong and logical until I see the boys off and then I will be a wreck.  In the end, I'll be fine...after all, how many parents have gone through the same thing?!?  I do have a favour to ask though, if you see a parent really struggling on September 8th, please reserve judgment.  Practice a bit of empathy and try to imagine what they are going through, the sacrifices they have made, the pride they maybe overcome by, or the little bit of regret that might be creeping up from within.

Ian

PS-James and Andrew, when you do in fact read this know that I had some major concerns about your ability to keep your pants on for 7 hours a day... I know, the struggle is real!

Love dad