So, there are a couple of things that you have to undertake as expecting father in preparation for the arrival of your baby(ies). Some of these are quite obvious, set up the nursery, begin purchasing all of the paraphernalia needed by your new born from now until age 25, start the discussion about names (if you haven't already figured that out) and begin educating yourself. Let's face facts, your wife will have expectations about how you will engage in your expectancy based on her own level of commitment. If your wife begins buying all kinds of books and sending you daily emails from sites dedicated to preparing you for all of the ups and downs along the way, then be fully prepared to read this material, comment on it during your daily conversations and have an opinion about the various decisions that are upcoming (remember from my earlier post that it is important to remember to be flexible on these opinions).
In my case, and not just because she can read this, my wife and I kept a pretty balanced outlook through out. We had books, which we read with varying degrees of commitment. We attended prenatal classes (ours was entitled "The Realities of Childbirth" a foreboding moniker that I am still unclear of its actual purpose, because at this point it's a little late to try and scare us out of it...we're kind of in it...). We sought advice from the usual sources, those with babies, our own mom's, medical professionals when needed. My biggest word of advice on all of this info is to take it one step at a time and take it with a grain of salt. Your pregnancy is just that, your pregnancy. In the same way, your children will be your children and it is important for you to find your own way through it. There will be advice and information that is pretty much mandatory mostly for your partner (stop smoking, stay active, eat well, avoid caffeine) be ready to support her through these tough changes. There will be other advice that is on the "we'll do our best, but it's not really vital" portion of the scale. And there will be the stuff that you simply ignore because it will not work for you. In our case there was a smattering of all of this stuff.
One area where this was the case was prenatal class...aka, the horrific truth of a overly medical birthing experience. Now I am sure that in many ways this class was useful and was meant to balance out the advice traditionally given by your medical doctor, but in my opinion it simply stretched a little far at times. I appreciated knowing that the birth experience wouldn't be like some horrible scene from alien where through an incredible amount of screaming and violent thrashing this tiny parasitic being would emerge from my wife in a sea of blood and guts...however, it was challenging at times to hear suggestions that your doctor will want you to have an epidural or c-section because it makes their lives easier. As I said, grain of salt.
You and your partner will have to make some pretty challenging decisions and all of this information can muddy the water and make seeing what is truly important to you challenging. You will be told, have them sleep in your room from one source and ensure that they sleep in their own room from another. In many ways being a parent will be the most criticized job you will ever have, and it feels like it starts from day one. Only you will know what will work for you and how you should proceed and surprisingly, much of that is incredible natural and sort of comes to you...if it doesn't don't worry, for most you will have time. In our case we really didn't have a whole lot because of our little mens' decision to jump ship early.
So my tiny but growing little men, when faced with overwhelming information and opinions remember to breathe and do what comes naturally. Billions of years of evolution have not necessarily removed the most basic of instincts. Others' personal experiences and advice have not trumped the natural urges and tendencies that you will experience. In many ways, our experience when we were expecting you brought us closer to each other and nature as it began to just make sense.
Love, Dad
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