So the first thing people ask when they find out your pregnant is usually do you know what you are having. This question is often the first place your mind goes after the initial shock, surprise and joy wears off. At this point in time the practical begins to set in and you begin to think about things like decorating and names. For some, I imagine that this debate (to find out or not to find out) may take some time to come to a resolution and may even lead to some hard feelings among couples. In our case, there really was no debate. I set out in the beginning (before I knew there were two coming) pretty much set on keeping things a surprise to the end, however, whether it was a simple realization or a moment of weakness, I found myself deferring to my wife. I think the realization was that although we would be partners in parenthood and share in our caring and loving of our soon to be babies, when it came to the pregnancy, I was not really the one doing the heavy lifting (unless you count boxes, furniture, luggage, etc.). So after careful consideration and a few teeter-totter moments the decision was made to wait and keep our future babies' genders a surprise.
Over the next few weeks of congratulations and fanfare the question continued to come up. More often than not people were understanding of our decision although at the same time we were often reminded of how difficult we were making things in terms of planning. In many cases, this was unintentional, "Good for you," people would say, "with twins I couldn't do that." Others were more overt stating that we were crazy for not finding out. At times, we would doubt our decision on these practical terms...we would have to think about 4 different names, we would have to visualize three very different futures and we couldn't really shop ahead because you would be surprised about how little gender neutral baby gear/attire is out there (I kept pushing for grey and beige onesies, but there is only so much bland one can accept). However, in our eyes these were minor inconveniences that didn't compare to the excitement and surprise to come on the day of their birth. Plus it would make for a good guessing game for relatives and friends over the next few months. Now I am not trying to say that waiting to learn the gender of your baby(ies) is the only way to go, it was just our way and I am glad we stuck to it despite the occasional suggestion that we were making things more difficult. The surprise when our two sons arrived was a defining moment in our lives.
So, my two little men, the important thing to remember is that there will be moments when you have to make decisions that may make your life more difficult in order to achieve your goals or maintain your values. At the same time you will meet people who will tell you that you are crazy for taking the road less traveled. When faced with these moments remember to stay true to yourself and be confident in your decision. There will also be times when a family member or friend will be making a similar decision and will seemingly be making a bad choice. During these times you will need to be supportive, empathetic and compassionate because as much as you may feel you can offer advice, you can never truly walk in somebody else's shoes. In short, stay true to yourself in everything you do and respectfully allow others the freedom to do the same without judgment.
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