Living with our twin boys at the hospital for the first six weeks of their lives is an experience that I will never forgot and that I am sure has had and will continue to have a profound impact on my life. First of all, as I have mentioned before, the tireless work of the folks in the NICU is beyond compare and not something that I could ever express enough gratitude for. Secondly, it truly opened my eyes to how fast we can settle into a routine and yet when something comes along to throw a wrench in it, how crushing that can be. Over the course of the six weeks, our boys experienced ups and downs, they made leaps forward and took steps back and it was challenging to see the light at the end of the tunnel. What complicated this was the great steps they took forward in the first few days. Regardless of what you think you know as a parent in these situations, you can't help but be excited to see them doing so well so quickly and then with the first setback reality quickly crashes down around you and you realize this is a marathon and not a sprint and that they won't be home in a matter of days, but possibly weeks or months. The scariest of these setbacks with our boys related to their breathing. Lungs are the last thing to really develop and because they were born at just under 32 weeks, they struggled to breath on their own from the very beginning. No words can really express the heartbreak that you feel upon returning to the hospital to see your child hooked back up to a C.P.A.P. machine because of a bad spell the night before.
One of the most challenging experiences came at the end of our stay at Sunnybrook. As I mentioned before it is amazing how fast you settle into a routine and we had established something that worked for us. Then one day you arrive at the hospital and are told that today is the day...not that you will get to take them home but that they are being transferred to a level 2 NICU and you immediately spiral into shock and are wretched by disappointment. Again the rollercoaster ride took over and you feel glad and appreciative that your babies are doing well enough to be transferred but dismayed that your routine has been disrupted. All kinds of questions surface: What do we do to get there?(we are a one car family so that had its challenges) What kind of facility is this? When can visitors come? Do we need to return the breast pump? What are the Doctors like? Where can we get something to eat? Where is the NICU? and many more...and truthfully, the staff at Sunnybrook could help with some but not many of these questions. This process happened very quickly for us. We knew that both our boys were getting stronger and were warned that we could be transferred soon, but never dreamed it would happen in less than 24 hours. Later that evening, we packed up our stuff...The boys were packed into an ambulance and off they went to Newmarket. At this point, we are feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under us. The blessing of staying at Sunnybrook had now turned into a bit of a curse as my describes it, you feel like you are going from a Bentley to a 1991 Honda Accord. Reflecting on it now, we wouldn't be so harsh.
Our stay at the NICU in Newmarket was only two weeks but we got to know the nursing staff well and soon overlooked the difference in the physical facility as our boys continued to grow stronger. We now shared a ward room with several other parents and so at times it was nice to see others who were going through our same struggles. As things built to our final day in the hospital, we settled into a new routine and life carried on. So, to my now strong little men who are keeping us up at night the lesson learned from our experience is this: routine is nice, however, if you are so set in a routine that you are afraid to try new things you will lose out on some of life's greatest experiences. There is something safe about knowing where you are going, what you are doing and how you are going to get there, but with each new day we have an opportunity to try something different, meet somebody new and open ourselves up to the possibility that the world around us is full of wonderful things if we open our eyes. Always take time to evaluate a new situation or circumstance, as the old saying goes "you can't judge a book by its cover." Only by truly allowing yourself to be open to new possibilities will you get to see the true value in your life.
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