So yesterday was a tough day for me. The type of day that comes around once every now and again that you never want to experience but remain challenged to figure out how you prevent it from happening again. This weekend was the beginning of our families' holiday fun. Lots of visiting, eating and good times. Now don't get me wrong, the Christmas season is incredible and enjoy all that it has to bring, including the easy excuse to get together with those you don't see all that often, however, on days like yesterday it reminds me that I, personally, may need to find a way to spread it out a bit more. On the exterior, for many this is surprising, as I don't believe that I come across as shy and introverted, but in actuality it has always been my nature.
Anxiety in social situations is something that I have battled with my entire life and something that has led me to my favourite hobbies (guitar playing, drawing, and playing sports.) Team sports has often given me an opportunity to shine and been a platform for me to work on my issues in communication and confidence. So last night, after too much incredible food, I found myself struggling to find a way to pull myself out of a dark place, a place I don't often go but a place that is familiar enough for me to know where I am when I get there. At the time, nothing seemed to help, I was feeling tired, frustrated, sad and ashamed...how does one begin to deal with these emotions all at once. I laid down beside my two boys for a nap(that's right, I ignored the books and experts and took them to bed for a nap, and guess what, we all made out ok), but they weren't really interested so we read. After a while, my wife (returning from walking the dog) took the boys downstairs and gave me sometime to rest. After several restless moments and arriving at the realization that what I was doing wasn't helping my current state I plodded downstairs to determine whether or not we would make the trek to play some volleyball. We decided that we would go play and that hopefully a little fun and exercise may help. It did, I felt great and playing really helped me lighten up, until I got back home. Again, as I struggled through the night I couldn't shake the dark and confusing cloud that hovered over my head.
6 am came way too soon. I trudged downstairs to make breakfast, take the dog out, and eventually leave for work...Sometime during this two hour process I looked down at my boys who were lying on the couch while I sat comatose in front of the sports highlights and it happened. A smile!!! not just one but two little almost perfect smiles. Now please remember that at this point, our sons are about 15 weeks old, but only 7 weeks past their due date so smiles are happening but not all the time and usually related to gas and not anything that I am doing, so a moment with simultaneous smiling still has some sort of novelty. But this time it was different and the reason why is because it really helped me shed the weight I had been carrying.
So from this moment comes a new life lesson, taught to me by my two favourite boys. Never forget the power of your smile. Its impact should never be underestimated because your smile not only helps to bring you energy, makes you feel lighter and gives you the strength to take on all challenges but it has an amazing ability to do that to anyone you meet. You, my boys, taught me this lesson, because sometimes, we grown up folk forget this and need a little reminder about why we are here. So today, I am smiling thanks to you two, and I hope that my smile has the same effect on someone I meet. Thank you :) Love Dad
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