Wow, so time is flying by and our two little guys are already over 5 months old (3.5 months in terms of their corrected age, which if you have had a preemie or twins you know all about). They are getting to be little tanks and will soon be stronger than their father was in grade 9 (when my gym teacher commented on my report card that I had below average upper body strength). As I wrote in my last post, life has settled into a bit of a routine, although it frequently changes on a whim and with little warning, but that's ok...I am not really a planner, I can manage decisions on the fly (written while choking up a little bit). It appears the key is to be laissez-faire about the whole thing...which in economics, is not really good but at this stage in the child rearing process is not only important but a survival mechanism. Now what I am about to say may in some ways be shocking and please do believe me when I say that I am being absolutely sincere. The last little while I have started to find the routine a bit more challenging. I cannot take anything away from my wife, because she is more a captive than I, however, it would seem that the monotony of going to work, coming home as quickly as possible to help out has left me wanting more...Often, this phase passes quite quickly as I get a smile or the hint of a laugh from one of my sons, but in the end it pops up again. I think this is because if you map out my days (leaving the weekends out) they all look strikingly similar.
5:45 am - wake up (although recently this has started at 5:00 am)
5:50 am - eat breakfast, make coffee, make lunch
6:30 am - Walk dog
7:15 am - shower get dressed for work, kiss wife, babies, pet dog and cat and get out the door by 8:00 am
8:30 ish - arrive at work
4:30 ish - leave work
5:15 pm (hopefully) - arrive at home
5:30 pm to 10:00 pm - make/eat dinner, help with feeding/diapering/playing/bathing, work out, watch a little TV
(Press repeat)
This is all to say that this past weekend we had the opportunity to go our separate ways for a bit. On Saturday, my wife and the boys went to a cupcake making party for much of the day and I spent most of it working around the house (uninterrupted). On Sunday, I played in my fist soccer game in 4 months...and then we played volleyball that night. Getting away and doing something that I love made all the difference to my outlook. None of this is to say that I don't love my family and want to spend every moment with them as my two sons grow and develop. I think often as parents, we have to battle a certain level of guilt or even anxiousness that if we leave, they will miss us or even worse we may miss something. I will say this though, that getting out a doing something so far removed from my life as a dad was really nice. Mind you it was also nice to brag about my boys and how well my wife was doing...I mean, who wouldn't love an opportunity to do that, but in the end, it felt really good to be out with the guys. It's not like I was ever really somebody who needed to be out and about. For much of my life I have been a homebody, certainly independent (sometimes I feel like the lost family member), but never one who needed to be out visiting and such to truly be happy. However, it seems that being thrust in to a very rigid existence makes the special glimpses of "freedom" that much more appealing.
So, I feel that a life lesson is important following this self absorbed post. To my little, now possibly teething, young lads...it is important to remember to find balance in your life. This maybe one of the greatest struggles of the modern human being. With external pressures coming from all over the place it is often very challenging to find yourself in everything that you do, but I would argue that it is the most vital part of your life. The key to striking balance is about priorities. What I have discussed above is simply an example of how challenging this might be when it feels like 2/3 of your day is scheduled by someone else and the remainder is spent trying to recover. I certainly don't begrudge my family their place in my priority list. When you two arrived you became the priority...and will be for as long as I am alive. However, it is still important to remember that in all of it, sometimes the best way to help others is to help yourself first. When things happen that are beyond your control but which give you stress or challenge your life-balance, it is important to take stock in where you find your identity or happy place. In some cases, this place might be helpful and so you will have to look to something else. My happy place is at home with you and your mom, but when that isn't working I can turn to something else that I have loved for almost my entire life and that is sports...soccer being my main squeeze...to do this, it is important that you recognize what gives you balance, what makes you whole...what will bring you some vigour and longevity...Love, Dad
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