Life Lesson for My Little Men #13

So a couple of nights ago I found myself in a foreign situation.  My wife had just left the house to meet with a student she tutors and so I was looking after both our boys.  Now that isn't the foreign part, because I have done that before, and quite successfully I might add.  However, what was different this time was the speed in which things deteriorated.  No sooner was she out the door then Andrew (our older son, by 3 minutes) let out a scream from his swing...which at the time, I had placed him in because he was falling asleep and I needed an extra hand.  I left him for a second or two to see if he would settle in and it very quickly became apparent that I would have to intervene if there was any hope of calm being restored.  Andrew's displeasure about being placed in his swing morphed into general feelings of unhappiness about being picked up, followed by equal outrage at being set down in his high chair....and so began the dance.  Next James, his younger brother by all of three minutes, let out an echo to Andrew's chorus of cries and pretty soon I was left holding both in there favourite positions (facing front) and looking at the clock.

As time ticked by (and I do mean ticked by) we migrated from the couch, to walking and bouncing, to singing, to lying on a play mat, back to walking and bouncing and singing...and so this continued at length for what seemed like an eternity.  Somewhere along the way I began to lose my cool...that's right even somebody who considers himself pretty level headed can lose it under extreme pressure and anybody who has not experienced twins in this state does not really know how extreme it can be.  As my blood began to boil and my movements became more rigid and harsh, I drifted out of my role as dad and into a role seeking  survival.  A warning, this is not an exaggeration but a very accurate representation of what I was feeling.  I yelled loudly..."WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP!!!!"  And the crying and yelling...got worse...I set both boys down on our bed, and in that instant I went from feeling anger, to hopelessness, to shameful and finally back to caring and nurturing.  As I picked them both up I could hear the words "there, there...it's ok" coming from my mouth...I began singing again and we wondered down the stairs...

That evening, I sang every children's song I knew and even made some up...usually involving the names of my two favourite boys.  I even lost my place a few times and repeated verses, but it was all that I could do that would keep things peaceful...my hands slowly started to cramp, so I had to take brief (and I mean brief) respites in the rocking chair...and eventually James drifted off to sleep...I was able to softly place him in his high chair and continue walking and singing softly to Andrew.  A century later (or an hour and a half, depending on who you talk to), my wife returned from her tutoring session to find a frazzled husband and two quiet boys, one asleep and the other very much awake.  

So, my loud little men who are so very dear to me, there will be times when you will need to walk away from something because you are too caught up in the emotions you are feeling.  You will sometimes know you've reached your limit before you go off and other times you won't but the important thing is that you begin to recognize these moments and take action before it is too late.  Walking away does not mean you have failed, it does not make you weak and it does not mean that you don't care...it simply means that you need time.  Time to collect yourself.  Time to reflect on where you have come from.  Time to look to where you want to go.  Time to takes stock of what you care about and value.  Time to gather yourself so you can best express those thoughts.  Ultimately, many regretful decisions made could be traced back to emotions ruling over logic, patience, kindness and perspective.  Remember, that you can't be perfect at this.  There will be times when you blow up a little, and that can be healthy.  However, it should never come at the expense of those you love and care about....Keep smiling (because I love your smiles).  Love, Dad