Life Lesson for My Little Men #15

Please bear with me as I rant a little bit in an effort to get something off of my chest.  My hope in writing this is to raise a little awareness of an issue but also to put down on paper or better yet into the universe.  So we have gotten to a point in our journey where we are deciding what to do when Adrienne's maternity leave comes to an end.  I never thought this decision would be overly challenging and I think both of us just assumed that she would go back to work (see Life Lesson #14 for something to consider on this front), but with twins and the fact that they were 8 weeks early, we have had to recalibrate a little bit.  When we found out we were having twins a story briefly hit the news in Canada about a couple who was in court to appeal the length of time that they could take on Mat. Leave after the birth of their twins.  The basis of their appeal was that if they had given birth to their children 12 months apart, they would have been able to take 2 years of parental leave.  The government's stance on this is that it constitutes one birth (although, I think if you asked, most women would say that they could plainly feel two actual births...just sayin'), and so parents are entitled to one year.

Here's the thing, I am not usually a complainer and I know we have it better than some, so I am not in any way trying to diminish the value of what we have, however, I think the additional year is something to consider and here is why.  1) Fairness, as mentioned above, if we had been blessed with two children born a year apart, we would have been entitled to 2 full years of leave, as it stands we have one year and two children (all of our costs are as if we had two children and it doesn't seem that we will be lucky enough to pay for childcare for one given that there was "only one birth").  As part of this argument, it is not as if we planned to have twins...in fact, twins don't run in the family so we would never even have known, so in essence, because of a little miracle we are not treated the same as another couple by our government.  2) Our boys were born early and as I have highlighted earlier, this means that when we reach a year and my wife is scheduled to return to work, they won't be as far along as most their age.  Some day-cares won't even take them if they can't walk, so we may be left with little choice...but also, we don't think they will be ready for full time child care.  3) We have been lucky, despite a rocky start both of our sons are very healthy, however, many couples who give birth to multiples are not so lucky, the extra year would be incredibly helpful in ensuring that the children were ready physically and emotionally for mom (or dad) to go back to work.  4) Raising twins is not the same as raising two children and certainly during the first year, this is not the case.  Adrienne is a champ and has been incredible at adjusting to her new role, but there is little time for her to recover.  For example, nap time is sometimes a family event but is more often a solo past-time which leaves mom entertaining whichever of the two has decided to push through the momentary exhaustion and blow drool bubbles.  An additional amount of time for leave would be ease some of this exhaustion.

So in the end, I hope this doesn't sound like a "it's not fair" kind of rant, believe me, I know that life isn't.  And, it is not an effort to get a bit more of a handout, we have never been the type to want one without the expectation that we would pay it back.  It is however, an effort to dialogue about something near to my heart and at the front of my conscious right now as we are possibly coming to terms with a time of single income support for a young family. 

So, my little men who have all the potential and possibility to do great things, I guess the life lesson is this:  Sometimes, despite all of your efforts to make choices and live with your values in mind and action, things will come up which will cause you to re-evaluate.  Your mom, as you will know when you read this, is an incredible educator and has always taken joy in being a smart, successful, caring and giving woman.  When you two came along, it took a while to come to grips with the fact that life for both of us had changed and priorities began to look different, sacrifices had to be made.  One such sacrifice is career goals.  Sometimes, there will be help in making this decision or easing the impact and other times, there won't be. I guess the important part is to take time to sit down, reflect on your options, talk openly with those that will be affected and then make the best decision, even if it means that in the short term things will get tougher.  In the end, the only thing that truly matters is that you have made the best choice that you can, which sometimes won't be the easiest road or even the road you have always traveled  on...but it will be the road that leads to the best outcome.

Love,

Dad