Life Lesson for My Little Men #32

I recently stumbled upon a newsletter article for parents of premies and their challenges through the first few months of their babies' (y's) lives. In reading the article, it makes some very good points and would be great reading if you find yourself in this place. Here's the link:

http://www.babyontheway.ca/toronto/articles_resources/603_premature_babies.htm

It also gave me an opportunity to reflect on some of those first few moments of James' and Andrew's lives and the impact that they have had on me and the relationships that I have. This blog was written on several commutes to work, so please excuse any choppiness.
 
Ian

About twenty months ago we were expectant parents who had been able to work through the trepidation and joy that accompanies the expectation of a first child only magnified by two. Were we prepared, heck no...and certainly we were not prepared for their arrival 8 weeks early, but through the entire hectic-ness that was the last moments of Adrienne's pregnancy and the first moments of James' and Andrew's lives we were able to avoid panic. That's not to say that during this time there weren't moments where fear and worry seemed crippling. Despite the bests efforts of nurses, doctors, specialists, social workers, and the wonderful woman that coordinates the parent outreach at the NICU, there were many moments where you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. As I have mentioned in previous posts, resiliency in times of change is a challenge that both Adrienne and I are quite used to, however, when the stakes are so high, as they are when the lives of your two babies seem to hang on a thread, or better put an oxygen tube, even our typical resolve was stretched. I am very grateful for the support of those around us during this time, but mostly to my partner. Boys, if ever ask how you know you've found the "right" one, I think my answer is simple. You'll know when you've found the person that will ride provide you with balance while sharing in your each and every emotion.

Looking back at the last 20 months, I think it is safe to say that parenthood is certainly one of the, if not the most profound experiences of a person's life. I think the phrase "defining moment" can often be overused...however, when something changes how you define your own identity then I can see how it applies. I have learned new meanings for many of the things that I would often consider to be run of the mill emotions and behaviour. Laughter, joy, smiles, hugs, kisses, and happiness have all changed in my view. At the same time, so have fear, worry, sadness, stress and persistence. My understanding of love, beyond everything else, will forever be altered. This is a risky proposition but I would say that at no other point in my life have I experienced the connection that I do to my family. Before James and Andrew's arrival and the past 20 months I would have thought that I had a pretty complete understanding of what it means to feel love and connection. Now, I can see that regardless of how strong my connection was with Adrienne, it could never have felt as complete as it does today. It's a lot like looking at the world through a tinted window, you can see everything and appreciate it, however, when you remove the tint and experience all of the colour in its true vibrancy you gain a true understanding of the beauty of it all.
 
So my sunshine loving and happy little men, I guess the lesson I have learned is this: often times we think we can see the whole picture and have a true understanding of the utmost limits of emotion but as new experiences impact us, we are even more often exposed to a life beyond the veil of our current understanding. If it wasn't for the new experience of being a dad, I would still know love, I would still be happy, but I may never have understood love the way that I do now. That new understanding has helped me appreciate all that I have, find joy in the little things and recognize the beauty in what we all share. I could have never anticipated the impact that your lives would have on mine, or on the way that I can now look at my life before you were here and reflect on those experiences with a new lens, seeing the beauty of the love that I have been given and have in turn shared. Thank you for that,


Love,


Dad


PS - while being nude is the natural state of being, social conventions would suggest that there is a time and place to do it. Please keep in mind that the streaking you are currently enjoying each night at bath time is something that the rest of the world would probably not enjoy and you will maybe grow out of...but given the experience of many university students...perhaps not.