Life Lesson for My Little Men #20

So things have started happening quite quickly.  We have almost hit the 9 month mark and both James and Andrew are on their way to their first tooth.  I discovered how far along by having my finger pulled into an open mouth and run over the razor that is in James' lower lip.  They have also both started reaching and scooching along the floor for things.  Things include: Toys, remotes, cell phones, books, CDs, the dog, the cat, the pillow, or anything else new to their environment that garners attention.  The scooching and is usually accompanied by excited squealing and yelling and a great deal of arm flailing which is fine for the inanimate objects but can be quite off putting to the cat...I have warned him already that it will get more interesting quite soon, but given he has a reasonably poor memory, he is after all a cat, he will probably forget.  Another recent development is the babble, Andrew has taken to talking quite extensively about a variety of topics which are near and dear to him.  He shares this with his brother or any one else in ear shot and gets very excited if he is asked questions.


To say that things have gotten busy, is a bit of an understatement.  I think that Adrienne and I are starting to grasp how much work our two little men are going to be...especially because there are two.  As I have written earlier, they are two very different people with two very different personalities and also two different timelines in terms of their development.  It is interesting in talking to other parents because we (as a society) have been conditioned to put a timeline on everything, so inevitably the conversation turns to how old and then an assumption about milestones reached.  Often this is done out of curiosity, which I would definitely encourage.  Other times questions are asked in an almost competitive spirit.  You certainly are left with a hint of "my child was sleeping through the night at 1 week, walking at 6 months, talking at 7 months, toilet trained at 8 months and working a full time job while working on their first novel by the age of 2".  Does this bother me, maybe a little, certainly in the beginning it was challenging to deal with, however, I think we have come to learn that placing expectations around James and Andrew's development is a bit like trying to learn ventriloquism, it looks simple enough but after endless hours of not getting it quite right your left wondering what's the point and then low and behold nobody cares about it anymore anyway...and all that you've got to show for your efforts are sore lips and a puppet who can't speak while you're drinking (ok, maybe not the last part).  So in the end, is it really all that important, the answer is no...not really.  And does it bother me when people ask, no...not really, because I know that they will get there and truthfully, they can take all the time the want doing it...


So my little men who are filling our lives with everyday surprises and countless smiles, I guess the lesson I have learned is this.  Society has taught us that in order to be successful we need to compare and keep score with those around us.  We have learned that faster is better and have allowed the benchmarking tactics of our work lives to infiltrate what should be the most natural and sacred process of them all.  We have been encouraged to push because today is better than tomorrow and definitely better than next week.  In doing so, we have ignored the basic rhythm of nature and forgotten that life happens in a continuum not a 24 hour clock.  I know that your mother and I want you to do great things and are prepared to support you in everything you do on your journey to that place, but I think we have also come to realize that it is your journey and you will get there, well, when you get there.  Some people are fast, others are slower (take it from me, I have never been described as fast), what matters in the end is that you get to where you want to be and you arrive at that point, when you are ready.  After all, why would I want to rush you when I already feel like you are growing up too fast.


Love always,


Dad