Teaching financial literacy at five

One thing that is really important to recognize in this post is how fortunate we are to be able to use this tool to teach Andrew and James about financial literacy.  It's not lost on me that there is a great deal of privilege needed to spare a couple of dollars a week!

So a few months back we started exploring ways to support James and Andrew's understanding of money.  To this point they both had piggy banks that we'd toss spare change in now and then.  We had also opened up savings accounts that we deposit money even less frequently.  There was no real rhyme or reason towards when money would go in or what it would be used for when it was there.  We figured at five it was time to take the plunge in establishing an allowance.  Simultaneously we created a "Helping" Window which engages Andrew and James in daily and weekly tasks to help around the house.  So the crux is that we encourage them to help out and they receive an allowance.  The allowance then goes into a jar which has a tally of what they need to save to achieve a goal (usually Lego of some type).

Here's a pic of the "Helping Window"

A key to this system, is that the allowance is the same every week as long as they make an effort to help.  We also don't remove money from the jar. In this way, we aren't tying financial learning to behaviour, punishment or guilt.  The outcome for us is the learning and not simply rewarding the work they are doing.

What we've seen so far:  Andrew and James have shown a new understanding of the need for patience and persistence in pursuing a goal.  They have also learned that saving for an item they desire is a necessity of life and that it can take time.  They have also shown a desire to help out around the house, not for financial reward, but so they can contribute.  A major learning was that if they worked together, they could save for an item more quickly than if they only saved as individuals.  Lastly, they've learned to prioritize how there money is used.  Sure they can buy that toy car at the register of the grocery store but if they do they won't be able to purchase the Lego set they'd really like.

This process has also provided a great moment of empathy when Andrew mentioned to Adrienne that he wanted to donate his next two weeks of allowance to Jump Rope For Heart!  Cue proud Papa tears!!!

So my not so little men this post while it started out as an update does have a strong life lesson.  That even in the smallest of hearts there is desire to give, help, and empathize.  Thank you for reminding me how philanthropy and supporting others should be a priority when managing my own money.  You're truly lovely!!!

Love Dad

PS - thanks for putting up with another Movember moustache I appreciate that you saved your comments about hating it until the last day.  I'll shave tonight!

Life Lesson for Me - Just a little patience

I'm a bad parent.  

There are days when I get home from work and simply don't have the patience or mental capacity needed to keep up with Andrew and James.  Enter parental guilt!  I spend most days wishing I could be around them more and be involved in their lives. Yet when I am finally home I need to excuse myself so I don't blow a stack.  Some days, this isn't possible and while I try to limit the volume of my voice it's a challenge when you have two young men who are competing for attention and quite often at their tired silly phase of the day.

I have now promised myself several times that I will figure out a different way to provide direction and guidance.  That I will be above all else patient.  That I will take time to collect myself.  But doing so after being in go-go-go mode since 6 am is challenging if not seemingly impossible.  Is this modern parenting? Being resigned to not being your best around your kids and at the same time understanding that they likely aren't at their best either.  

Two days ago I decided to follow some advice I give James and Andrew.  When I started to feel my energy level crash and my patience wane I left the room.  I took a self-imposed "Time-out", played a little guitar and came back downstairs in a better mood.  I'd love to do this every time and goodness knows I am going to try to find other strategies that work and allow me to be present.  After all, if I am feeling pressed and stretched I know my partner is too and so withdrawing nightly just as things ramp up is likely not the best thing.  

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect.  I imagine that pressure bleeds down to the next generation and though they don't necessarily know how to describe it in words, there must be some transfer and impact.  I can recall points in my own childhood where the worst possible outcome was disappointing my parents and not living up to expectations.  So how do we reset? How do we encourage dialogue when we are so exhausted, stressed or tugged by multiple priorities (some professional but many personal) that every minute seems like it is scheduled or task defined?  How do we be in a world that seems defined by what we do?  

I care about my boys a lot.  I love them with all my soul and would do anything to support them as they grow.  Some days I do a lousy job of showing them that.  Some days I am a bad parent!

IC

For Andrew and James: when the time comes and you read this or someone reads it to you please know that patience, understanding and empathy are all developing skills.  Dad is a work in progress as I know you are too. 

Love Dad

PS - thanks for being you in all that you do including wearing a tie with sweatpants!


Ian

Life Lesson #49 - Equity, Diversity and Inclusion

Last week I had the opportunity to be trained in delivering a cultural intelligence (CQ) workshop along with several other colleagues on campus.  While reflecting on my learning I began thinking about the stark differences in my experience vs that of Andrew and James.

Growing up in rural southern Ontario my experience with diversity and culture was somewhat limited.  I was fortunate to have two liberal minded parents who valued curiosity, tolerance, and understanding.  I could count on two hands the number of students of visibly diverse identities I attended school with.  So, when I moved away to university I had had limited experience with diversity.  My CQ knowledge would be low.  In university, through my work in residence life, I learned far more about diversity as I met students from all over the world.  While the institution I attended was incredibly white, I was taught how to be inclusive and equally important the beginning stages of empathy.  Now as a professional, I consider myself to be a champion of empathy and advocate for equity.

When I think of James and Andrew's world I am excited by how different it is.  As they talk about children in class I can't help but smile at the names they are learning and how the fabric of diverse faces is normal.  However, I also temper my excitement by asking myself the question "So Now What?"  Exposure to diversity certainly helps shape understanding and tolerance but that can't be the goal.  In my opinion acceptance and celebration require more intentional learning and are often derived from an environment that empowers curiosity.  To draw inspiration from a favourite Green Jedi "curiosity leads to empathy, empathy leads to acceptance, acceptance leads equity," obviously with a whole lot of work along the way.

So how do we as parents push our children to go beyond exposure and be appropriately curious? We try by modelling curiosity at home...we ask them about the students and teachers in their class and encourage them to learn more.  For example, James and Andrew mentioned that their teacher wears a scarf on her head.  I asked them if they knew what it was called and when they responded negatively I coached them on how they might ask.  Again, this is surface level stuff but valuable for four year olds to be comfortable with.

When we first had the boys, parents in the neighbourhood assumed we would be sending them to the catholic school because of their skin colour.  We saw first hand the subtle and sometimes overt challenges to our own values of acceptance and inclusion as some, almost as a warning, mentioned that they would be the only white kids in their class.  Our response then was "good, that makes me happy."  What I am now reminding myself of is our need to do more.  To encourage them to be brave and ask questions, to learn more, to push the boundaries of assumptions and to be part of a community of change.

So little men, you have a great opportunity ahead of you.  The world is a wonderful place filled with many ways of knowing and being.  My hope for you is that you get to experience and learn the value of diversity, encourage inclusion of others, and advocate for equity as you grow.  So ask questions, seek knowledge and live empathetically.

Love Dad

PS - contrary to popular belief I have been driving for far longer than you have been alive and while I appreciate the feedback and certainly value the safe operation of a motor vehicle (two hands on the wheel) I have to admit that being told by my son or his sandwich to put two hands on the wheel or that I am driving too fast is not something I am entirely comfortable with.