Andrew and James have had a great start to their academic careers. Junior kindergarten or in their case kindergarten has been full of new learning, activity, and friends. On a daily basis I come home to something exciting that they have discovered or achieved. But with all that good comes some bad and so I thought I'd write a bit about the unlearning of school.
A few weeks back I was dolling out an evening snack. I grabbed two colourful plastic plates and gave one (bright green) to Andrew and the other (bright pink) to James. James promptly turned up his nose and Andrew chimed in with his observation that the plate was a "girls' colour." This left me perplexed, we had never associated colour with gender and so I started asking a lot of questions in an effort to build an understanding of where this newfound opinion that colours had gender came from. What I discovered is hardly shocking, it's something they picked up talking to their friends. From this point we started to explore the topic. We talked about favourite colours and being confident in being who we are, liking what we like and being comfortable when others do the same. In the end both James and Andrew seemed to understand that colour isn't assigned a gender and that they can like, wear and eat off what they like.
This is not the first case of unlearning, nor will it be the last. We have already faced the "I'm telling on you," "I'm not your best friend," and inevitable little boys running around the house making gun noises. This time however, it felt that the stakes were higher. It felt like a core value of our family was being threatened by outside influence. The tough part is that it's not the last time we will deal with this. In fact, just yesterday Adrienne told me a story of frustration at the reaction of the boys in class to Andrew bringing a doll to school. She expressed feeling confused as to what to do as his face dropped at their strong reaction of disgust at his choice to play with a doll.
Adrienne and I both expected that at school things would happen that would be outside of our control. We are far from protective or sheltering parents and encourage the boys to take appropriate risks and push their comfort levels. Challenge and support. However, I feel it important to express my naivety about how often we would have to defend our values as parents. How often we would have to build up the confidence of little men who just want to be who they are and be loved for it. How often the choices of others in terms of how they raise their children would enter our home and impact James and Andrew. Unfortunately, I had told myself a tale of having to defend the mysticalness of Santa or the Easter Bunny rather than thinking of the much more socially liberal and open-minded values we as parents have chosen to instil in our children...Silly Me!
The bright side of this reality are the opportunities to talk and discuss some pretty big topics as a family. I don't think that can be overlooked. Without conflict and controversy we as people would have a hard time establishing an identity that is our own. This conflict absent of conversation has the opportunity to create a divide in who we are and to leave us feeling confused, torn or incomplete. And so, we keep talking, continue to encourage confidence, and empower our children to be themselves.
So Andrew and James, it is my hope that you continue to explore and build your identity. I recognize and know that your friends will have a great influence in your lives. I know that outside influences shaped who I am today and continue to help me redefine how I see myself in the world around me. This is how life works. However, I think it is equally important to note that this is not something that simply happens without question, challenge and reflection. You have the opportunity to become exactly the person you want to be, to grow and develop into the person you are happy with, and to be you. If you feel that being taken away by somebody else I encourage you to think about why and be confident in expressing a contrary point of view. There will be times when this is hard, particularly when you feel outnumbered or alone, but if you are acting to stay true to your values and yourselves, and with a caring heart you can't go wrong. You are the one and only you in this world, if you try and be somebody else you deprive the world of the beauty your uniqueness.
Love
Dad
Showing posts with label development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label development. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Life Lesson For My Little Men #38
Micro-Lesson: Details are important. I am learning just how important each day when one of you argues with the other about just how to pronounce Heffalump...or is it Huffleplump?!?! Or when I read the last line on a page of a book as "here", when the word is "there" and you tell me "No Daddy, it is 'Get out of there,' not get out of HERE!," even though "here" kinda made sense too...In life, details are important but so is being able to paint in broad strokes, I am glad you are picking up on details but wish that sometimes you were both just a little less persistent (or hostile) about it!
I will endeavour to help you see the beauty in context and concept and I hope you continue to challenge me on the details, nicely of course.
Love,
Dad
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Life Lesson for my Little Men #35
This time of year marks a pretty important time in my annual calendar. As somebody who works with and educates university students, it marks the beginning of another academic year. As the father of James and Andrew, it represents the anniversary of them entering our lives. All in all, the last week of August/first week of September is an inherently busy time in my life. This year has been no different, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Each September I have the fortune of experiencing the same renewal that many feel during the new year. It's a time of promise, of ending reflection and beginning to take action (not that action wasn't required in the lead up, it's just moved up in the priority list), and perhaps most importantly it's a time of seemingly endless energy, spark, and enthusiasm. Each September marks a new beginning. An opportunity for new students to experience an institution for the first time. An opportunity for returning students to renew their passion and reach for their potential. An opportunity for graduating students to round the final bend and raise their hands in recognition. An opportunity for me to ride on the coat tails of this spirit in reaching a few of my own goals. What I have learned over the last decade of doing this work is that by far the most important aspect of my job (and the part that I find most rewarding) is supporting students in realizing their dreams. For each person this is entirely different and involves taking time to listen but also placing priority on being present and available.
This September, a great deal of attention has been paid in the media to events occurring at various post-secondary institutions around the country. I thought it may be important to reflect and express my thoughts as somebody who has spent the better part of my adult life involved in the transition of new students to university. First off, I am not surprised that inappropriate chants and activities have come to the attention of the media. This is in no way a condoning statement but in fact is just the unfortunate reality on campuses today. In my experience working with students on planning orientation activities it is rare that students do not understand the gravity of the message, however, how that understanding translates into action is quite the opposite. This is especially true when the words "tradition" come into play. You would be amazed at how often "we have always done that" is used to excuse behaviour that in all other aspects is vile and reprehensible. However, in my opinion that's precisely why it is important that students play a role in planning and implementing these activities...the conversation that is had with an educated professional and the learning occurs during that conversation. In today's world of higher education, it is increasingly important that students are exposed to learning beyond the classroom and that this learning consist of more than simply practical opportunities to apply what they have learned in class...why? Because there is an incredible amount that they are not taught as a part of the curriculum. This is even more the case in non-liberal arts programs. Truthfully, if not for exposure to these concepts through extra-curricular involvement, most students are left on their own...or in the hands of peers and media to form opinions on an incredible number of topics that one might consider important to our society's future (diversity, healthy sexual relationships, the sustainability of the environment, etc.) I often point to my own education as a case example. When I attended university for my undergraduate degree in business, we had a quarter credit devoted to ethics in business...out of 20 credits. Now I could have taken elective courses as a part of that 20 which would have contributed to my understanding of ethical behaviour, however, the option was mine. I hope you see the challenge that this represents.
When done right, university orientation should be a time of connection, finding one's place (belonging), academic adjustment, resource building, discovery and exploration, and most importantly safe and inclusive. The fact that incidents like those mentioned in the article linked above exist should not be met with outright condemnation of the events or students involved. It should, however, lead us to ask the questions about how we can make changes and use this as a learning opportunity. I don't in anyway begrudge the media attention that has been directed to these incidents, nor am I "siding" with the students...I don't feel that this has been blown out of proportion. I do think that this conversation needed to happen and I am encouraged by the dialogue it has created. In the end, these are mistakes that young people make...not excusable by any means, but evident of a larger issue facing us, the education and development of our youth.
So my little men, who are busy learning how to put words into sentences, this message is very timely and deviates from the normal lessons I have for you as it is not derived from your current behaviour or my reflections on your growth. My hope is that as you grow, you will take the opportunity to learn the importance of valuing others...and not just those that you know but also those you don't. If we (society) could truly find a way to equate the value of ALL then the attitudes expressed in misogynistic, hetero-normative, racist and insensitive chants and behaviour should not be an issue. In today's world, we are surrounded with messages about the value that we can place on things (material things, social services, economic development, sustainability), however what is often absent is the message about the value we place on every living thing we interact with. That value, so you are aware, is beyond all measures of physical wealth and should be what helps ground you. I choose that word (ground) because it is often too easy to have your own values challenged and diluted by the actions of your peers. In these times, when things start to go awry or feel "icky" it is important that you take a stand, express your concern, and assist and support the learning process. If that is something you don't feel safe doing, then my hope would be that you have somebody that you feel comfortable telling and asking for help...heck, it could be me.
Love always,
Dad
PS - I love our wrestling/bouncing escapades...however, on a full stomach I am not sure that the outcome is what you desire (consider this fair warning)
Each September I have the fortune of experiencing the same renewal that many feel during the new year. It's a time of promise, of ending reflection and beginning to take action (not that action wasn't required in the lead up, it's just moved up in the priority list), and perhaps most importantly it's a time of seemingly endless energy, spark, and enthusiasm. Each September marks a new beginning. An opportunity for new students to experience an institution for the first time. An opportunity for returning students to renew their passion and reach for their potential. An opportunity for graduating students to round the final bend and raise their hands in recognition. An opportunity for me to ride on the coat tails of this spirit in reaching a few of my own goals. What I have learned over the last decade of doing this work is that by far the most important aspect of my job (and the part that I find most rewarding) is supporting students in realizing their dreams. For each person this is entirely different and involves taking time to listen but also placing priority on being present and available.
This September, a great deal of attention has been paid in the media to events occurring at various post-secondary institutions around the country. I thought it may be important to reflect and express my thoughts as somebody who has spent the better part of my adult life involved in the transition of new students to university. First off, I am not surprised that inappropriate chants and activities have come to the attention of the media. This is in no way a condoning statement but in fact is just the unfortunate reality on campuses today. In my experience working with students on planning orientation activities it is rare that students do not understand the gravity of the message, however, how that understanding translates into action is quite the opposite. This is especially true when the words "tradition" come into play. You would be amazed at how often "we have always done that" is used to excuse behaviour that in all other aspects is vile and reprehensible. However, in my opinion that's precisely why it is important that students play a role in planning and implementing these activities...the conversation that is had with an educated professional and the learning occurs during that conversation. In today's world of higher education, it is increasingly important that students are exposed to learning beyond the classroom and that this learning consist of more than simply practical opportunities to apply what they have learned in class...why? Because there is an incredible amount that they are not taught as a part of the curriculum. This is even more the case in non-liberal arts programs. Truthfully, if not for exposure to these concepts through extra-curricular involvement, most students are left on their own...or in the hands of peers and media to form opinions on an incredible number of topics that one might consider important to our society's future (diversity, healthy sexual relationships, the sustainability of the environment, etc.) I often point to my own education as a case example. When I attended university for my undergraduate degree in business, we had a quarter credit devoted to ethics in business...out of 20 credits. Now I could have taken elective courses as a part of that 20 which would have contributed to my understanding of ethical behaviour, however, the option was mine. I hope you see the challenge that this represents.
When done right, university orientation should be a time of connection, finding one's place (belonging), academic adjustment, resource building, discovery and exploration, and most importantly safe and inclusive. The fact that incidents like those mentioned in the article linked above exist should not be met with outright condemnation of the events or students involved. It should, however, lead us to ask the questions about how we can make changes and use this as a learning opportunity. I don't in anyway begrudge the media attention that has been directed to these incidents, nor am I "siding" with the students...I don't feel that this has been blown out of proportion. I do think that this conversation needed to happen and I am encouraged by the dialogue it has created. In the end, these are mistakes that young people make...not excusable by any means, but evident of a larger issue facing us, the education and development of our youth.
So my little men, who are busy learning how to put words into sentences, this message is very timely and deviates from the normal lessons I have for you as it is not derived from your current behaviour or my reflections on your growth. My hope is that as you grow, you will take the opportunity to learn the importance of valuing others...and not just those that you know but also those you don't. If we (society) could truly find a way to equate the value of ALL then the attitudes expressed in misogynistic, hetero-normative, racist and insensitive chants and behaviour should not be an issue. In today's world, we are surrounded with messages about the value that we can place on things (material things, social services, economic development, sustainability), however what is often absent is the message about the value we place on every living thing we interact with. That value, so you are aware, is beyond all measures of physical wealth and should be what helps ground you. I choose that word (ground) because it is often too easy to have your own values challenged and diluted by the actions of your peers. In these times, when things start to go awry or feel "icky" it is important that you take a stand, express your concern, and assist and support the learning process. If that is something you don't feel safe doing, then my hope would be that you have somebody that you feel comfortable telling and asking for help...heck, it could be me.
Love always,
Dad
PS - I love our wrestling/bouncing escapades...however, on a full stomach I am not sure that the outcome is what you desire (consider this fair warning)
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