Life Lesson for My Little Men #33

Recently we have started to see a change in many things.  At a little over a year and half (corrected) both James and Andrew are right where they should be developmentally.  The words are coming more and more every day; the physical ability to match thoughts to actions is constantly evolving; the recognition of shapes, images and the world around them is beyond amazing to a first time dad.  One of the more interesting changes though is the development of imp-ism.

At one point in time, Adrienne and I could be sure that our direction, if understood, would be followed.  A few months ago, and what seems like on an ever increasing trajectory, this began to shift.  It is now not uncommon for a request to cease and desist to be met with a side ways glance, a coy smile and a slow and purposeful continuation of whatever activity has been deemed questionable, often accompanied by a follow up look to ensure that it has been seen.  This has made for some frustrating moments but more often than not experiences that challenge our ability to keep a straight face.  Some might think that we are doing irreparable damage by losing control and laughing at the occasional display of disobedience but as long as they aren't in danger...really no harm, no fowl...that and I guess only time will tell...As mentioned though, what can be concerning is a lack of understanding of when danger is present.  We have toyed with different words, although we have not found one that seems to have a great deal of impact.  So, this is something to work on, or seek some advice on...If anyone has any suggestions, please add them to the comment section... It's also a task that seems to be even more important with the rise in temperatures and more frequent forays into the outside world.  There are times, when thinking about walking through a parking lot, or playing at the front of the house causes dad, a notorious worrier, a few too many moments of angst, but I guess that's what part of this whole parenting thing is about and is also combated nicely by a very attentive mom and dad.  Not smothering, but attentive.

So my little imps...I mean men.  What I am learning from you each day is how, sometimes, it's important to test convention and to push limits.  Life would be pretty boring without a little mischief, and I would hazard a guess that a few of the more important discoveries would not have been made if everyone subscribed to all rules being truth and beyond question.  What is important in this context is that you have weighed out the consequences of your actions, taken into account your impact on yourself and others and have concluded that the benefits of crossing the line outweigh the consequences of your actions.  If the benefits are for you and you alone, I might suggest that your efforts outside of the rule book may be quite selfish or perhaps might be worth reconsidering.  If the benefits are retrieving a raisin from on top of the fire place using a dump truck as a step stool, I might question your sense of priorities.  In the end, life itself is a great teacher and there is a saying that rules are meant to be broken, as your dad, I would simply ask that you listen to everything I say...but seriously, I would hope that you do your due diligence before taking the leap, because consequences are not always accompanied by a soft landing.

Love,

Dad

PS - Thanks for the lovely "I love you"s over the phone tonight, you made my day
PPS - Thanks also for showing me the difference between a plane and a truck, multiple times, for the better part of an hour, each day...it's weird, but I am seriously loving it!!!!

Life Lessons for My Little Men #21

It has been nine months since James and Andrew entered our world and, as I am sure all parents can attest to, time is flying by.  It seems like only yesterday that I was leaving work and heading downtown to see my tiny little men in the NICU at Sunnybrook.  As a new dad, what I have found is that often major milestones are happening during the day (when Andrew and James are the most alert and energized) and so routinely I have missed out on the first <fill in the blank here>.  What this has also led to in an unnerving feeling that I am not connecting with my sons the way that I would like to.  Ultimately, the challenge is that somebody has to work in order to pay the <fill in the blank here> and ensure that our family is currently safe and comfortable and that we have as many opportunities as possible in the future.  


I put this out there as a revolutionary idea, but something to consider (not that I have done any of the economics behind it as I will leave the to those who may critique it and have a better understanding of those things.  What if, instead of working right now, I could trade this time for time later in life.  For example, like taking 5 years of pension and RRSP savings up front and then working an additional 5 years later to pay back the system...wouldn't this be an idea (especially given the fact that most people in our generation do not anticipate full retirement until late 60s early 70s)?!?!  It certainly would be a bargain I would be willing to make!  Anyhow, I digress from my initial intent of this post.  The point of my post is that missing these things has left a mark on my own comprehension of my abilities as a father and in some ways challenges how I react when parenting, possibly overcompensating for some slight twinge that I feel in my soul every time I walk out the door in the morning or get a glowing text about what amazing thing has happened in my absence.


I have heard about mother's guilt, and again, I don't presume to suppose that what I am discussing is in anyway equivalent, but I am simply saying it exists.  Recently, this guilt reared its head during play time.  Adrienne was out running errands and so I was entertaining both James and Andrew on the family room floor.  We were carrying on quite well, giggling and smiling, the boys doing their best to share toys while dad did his best to share his attention.  Then things turned.  I got up to stretch my legs (apparently the ability to sit cross legged is something that you lose sometime after high school) and bonk, down went James.  Now the logical me says, that was one of many bumps, bruises and bonks that there will be in his life, but as the tears welled up into his eyes, so to did that feeling of guilt.  If I only get to spend x hours with my sons I don't want them to be painful hours...how could I let this happen...he is so upset, and as I comforted him and wiped the tears from his eyes, I couldn't help feeling that I had let him down.  Again, the logical me knows this won't be the only time that I feel this way, but the first time it happens I can honestly say is heartbreaking.  Now when Adrienne came home and I had a chance to share my story I quickly came to realize that this wasn't his first tumble, and that in fact, my wife was dealing with her own emotions around guilt and letting them down on a far more frequent basis.  At the time, this was a small consolation for my bruised psyche or James' equally bruised noggin. 


So my little men, I guess the lesson to be learned is this: no matter how hard you try to be there, you won't always be able to catch someone you care about before they fall.  In reflecting on this situation, I can now see that at least I was there to comfort and hold you when I wasn't able to prevent something bad from happening.  In fact, at certain points in your life, this will be a far more valuable point of intervention and support than preventing the fall in the first place.  Some people believe that life is a collection of moments, but I would argue that it goes beyond a collection as each of these moments is interwoven in a way that when perceived from afar or in retrospect make it challenging to discern the individual moments from the grand mosaic of the whole experience.  So, while I endeavour to be there for you during all of your moments, reality is that there will be times when I can't be and that perhaps, rather than dwell on that and lose sight of the greater purpose, it is more important to focus on all of the moments that we co-create and how they contribute to our bigger picture.  


Love, Dad

Life Lesson For My Little Men #19

So as I sit here eating yesterday's leftover chinese for lunch, I am feeling inspired to write a blog about the one of the most experiences in fatherhood which is witnessing the transformation of your partner into a mother.  Now some folks are probably thinking that I am writing this, on the day after mother's day, as a way of making up for something I forgot to do yesterday.  Nothing could be further from the truth, in fact, yesterday was on my accounts a pretty good first mother's day for James and Andrew and more importantly Adrienne.  If she doesn't agree with me she will have to post a comment or forever hold her peace.  No, what is inspiring me is seeing first hand how well Adrienne has taken to being a fantastic mother to both of our sons.

When you find out that you are going to be parents you are flooded with emotions.  As a father to be, it can be tough to fully understand or perceive all that you are experiencing.  In many ways, the best thing that you can do to connect to your future paternal development is to connect with your partner.  By asking questions, listening to responses (an important part of communication we often forget) and observing all of the changes that are happening to your other half, you can find a way to connect on a deeper level with the entire experience.  Once the babies (y) are born, however, it is hard to find a moment to truly take in all of the things that you and your partner are experiencing.  You are often tugged in one direction or the other and when there are two your attention is always divided.  So, it can be challenging to find enough time to stop and think about how much things have changed.

Truthfully, I don't know how much motherhood has changed my wife.  Adrienne has always been caring, apt to put others first and willing to lend a hand or a smile to a friend in need.  In actuality, motherhood has merely enhanced these fantastic qualities while bringing to the fore front others.  Adrienne is incredibly nurturing.  She painstakingly makes all of the boys food and is always there with a cuddle when that's what is needed.  She has also developed her comedic abilities often putting aside all seriousness to make cow noises, tickle fights or attempts to talk in a scottish accent in an effort to draw a few laughs.  Each day the boys enjoy a regiment of naked time where Mom stands by to ensure that they are spending the appropriate time on their tummies and backs ensuring that they are developing all of the muscles to be strong young lads.  All of this is to say that Adrienne has taken to motherhood so very well.  My pride in her is only outdone by my pride in the two little fellas that she is doing so well at raising.  

So my little, lucky to have such a fantastic mom, men a good life lesson is to love your mother with all of your heart.  As time marches on, this will take different forms (if you are still sleeping in our bed at the age of 14, that might be a bit weird), and their may come a point in time when you don't express it enough but it's important that you believe it and know that it's true.  As you grow, I am sure you will learn to understand how much she cares for you and maybe you will get just how much effort she has put into making your every minute on this earth the best that it can be.  I hope you do.  Moms are special people.  They are in many ways the engine that drives the family forward but they are also often the glue that keeps it together.  Your mom is certainly well on her way to both of these things right now and I am certain that when you are old enough to read this, you will be able to see the many ways she is doing this. Love her, cherish your moments with her and never leave something unsaid today that you would say tomorrow.
Love, Dad

Life Lesson for My Little Men #18

Now I am sure that I am not the best person to write this blog.  The best person would be the person that spends the most time with my two young sons, their mother.  However, because blogging is my thing and not hers, you will have to make due with my best offering.  What is interesting about our sons is that from very early on, they have been incredibly similar and yet different.  They were born only a few minutes apart and at birth their was little difference in their physical traits.  They have carried this starting point through the early part of their lives often having less than an ounce or two between them in weight and virtually identical heights.  Equally interesting though is how different they are and how early these differences have become noticeable.


To the naked and untrained eye, meaning most strangers, they look identical, but we can tell the difference.  Andrew has been lucky enough to inherit his father's awfully large and round head where as James has been blessed by his mothers, longer and thinner face.  In terms of personality they are incredibly different.  James is the local goof ball often sharing in a quick laugh and voicing his opinion with a shrill squeal that would put most birds of prey to shame.  We often exclaim that he has velociraptor in his DNA.  Another interesting fact is that James is generally a happy baby but when he goes off, does he ever go off and is harder to bring back than Bonnie from over the ocean or the sea (or however that song goes).  He will sob through many of the normal comforts and often can't be consoled with the exception of a well timed gag to get him laughing or some needed mom time.


Andrew on the other hand, tends to be more even keel.  He is quieter, is slower to laugh but also slower to cry.  His disposition is often harder to crack in terms of a laugh but again, when you get him going her will let out a honk that will warm your heart and hurt your cheeks.  He will continue to honk like a goose at the slightest inkling of a repeat performance or continuation of the gag.  He is also the more impatient of the two as he voices his displeasure quickly if he feels that he has sat two long between spoonfuls.


What is consistent about the two of them is that they are inconsistent.  I write this blog fully knowing that in two or three weeks, this description will seem completely inaccurate, but I thought it important to note how incredibly different they are.  The squealer and the honker as we will call them never cease to amaze us.  What one likes for food the other will tolerate (usually with a horrified look on his face).  The squealer is a late riser, while the honker is up most days shortly after his dad.  The squealer is quick to get into everything and anything within reach where as the honker seems to be much more deliberate about his ventures.  The squealer is not so good with the whole under water thing, where as the honker's calm demeanor pays huge dividends in his training to be the next Michael Phelps.  


All this, as mentioned above, will probably change next week, so we can never put much stock in things staying the same for long with the exception of: they both love their dog and cat (look out Arthur when they start crawling it is on), they both get really excited about bath time, they both have a smile that lights up the darkest room, they both adore their mom (and can you blame them), in fact this list could go on for quite some time...I guess in the end they are more similar than I thought, but I won't be fooled into treating them the same.  Perhaps one of the most evident challenges in raising twins is the insistance of others that they are the same.  This can be done overtly or subtly.  The use of words like they, the boys, the twins, etc. provide a challenge for others but also us as parents.  For example the question "how are they sleeping," assumes that they must share the same internal clock and pattern...I'll destroy this myth...they don't.  Whenever possible, we try and refer to them by their names rather than as a collective.  Believe me though, this is hard even for us as parents, and I certainly am not offended when others use those words to ask a question out of curiosity or care for James or Andrew.  I only raise it as something to be mindful of, as I think it represents something that we often do in an increasingly complex world, seeking simplicity by assuming sameness. 


So my little men, as you begin to explore the world around you I hope you can find ways to appreciate all of the difference and diversity that this world has to offer.  It's true that you will find similarities and familiarities in people that you meet throughout your journey but it is incredibly important that you remember that for all of the similarities that we celebrate we often forget to celebrate our difference.  This difference can be expressed in many ways and has often been portrayed as something to be wary of or even fear, despite the truth that it is what makes the mosaic that is life more beautiful.  Ask questions, hold back assumptions and seek to understand and enjoy what makes you unique from your brother, your parents, your neighbour, your friend or a person you have never met whether across a crowded restaurant or on the other side of the world.  This understanding will help you build incredible relationships, a colourful and complete life and leave a legacy of acceptance and encouragement for those around you.


Love,


Dad

Life Lesson for My Little Men #5

So my last post was a bit of a cliff hanger, but I didn't know how to put that entire experience into one post and so I thank you for you patience.  On September 2nd, 2011 my wife went into labour at 31 weeks gestation.  We were transferred to Sunnybrook hospital and into a brand new birthing unit which was a blessing in disguise.  When I arrived at the hospital, shortly after my wife (ok, I am not sure how shortly after it was, I had done the fatherly thing and picked up the camera and some food for the evening) I walked into the preparations for an epidural.  We had talked about the possibility of this happening and as I have mentioned before, in all matters related to my wife's body I defer to her judgment.  I was introduced to our nurse for the evening and helped provide comfort through the process.  

Not long after (again, I caution those of you who have not experienced this that time is relative) we were waiting on a ultrasound to determine where are two little babies were.  When the resident arrived she completed the ultrasound and checked how far along my wife was and low and behold, she was at 10 cm and ready to go.  The whirlwind of activity that ensued was beyond any level of organization I have ever witnessed.  The next thing I knew I was in an operating room surrounded by 10 very well trained medical people holding onto my camera, my wife's purse and some other bag, that I am not even sure was ours...but let's be honest, I was lucky that I still had all my clothes on given how fast thing were moving.  During the rest of the actual birth I did my job.  As is the case in crisis situations I have dealt with in the past, I relied on my training (thank god for "realities of childbirth"...even if we would miss the last two classes).  Holding my wife's back as she pushed and struggled to deliver our two little bundles was an amazing experience.  It is quite possible that I wasn't being overly helpful, and surrounded by all of those doctors and nurses, I am quite confident that my role was relatively small, but at that time, I felt like I was so connected to what was going on.  All of the worries drifted away and all that mattered was that moment.  

No matter how much preparation goes into the anticipation of hearing the first little cry, you will never be ready for the flood of emotions.  Hearing that tiny little voice followed by the pronouncement "It's a boy!" made me feel more like a dad than all the months leading up to that point.  We saw our first son for all of ten seconds before he was whisked away to a prep room for the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  We were able to see them on a cctv flat screen above our heads.  Things were going well, he was small but breathing and our focus returned to pushing out the second little one.  Again, time seemed to fly by and shortly after that the second little chirp and another announcement from the doctor "It's another boy!".  Again, the quick show and tell and off he went to the back room.  I stayed with my wife for a few moments and once I was given the all clear went to see my two boys as they were getting cleaned up for transfer to their new home. 

Both were small 2.5 and just under 3lbs.  Both were placed on CPAP, to control and support their breathing, and both were being carefully supported by a team of nurses. Pictures were taken, little hands were held, fingers and toes were counted...and then the happy mother was able to come and visit.  The look of pride in her eyes brought tears to mine.  We had done it...well she had done it.  They had made it...or had they...What I am getting at here is the weird emotional roller-coaster of that day.  Yes, there was a sense of relief...they were here and reasonably healthy...but at the same time we were worried.  Worried about what was to come for them, for us and for our families.  Similarly, I have never felt more unsure of the future and yet I was surprisingly okay with that.  They were well taken care of and all we could do was wait...which would be the story of the next 6 weeks...but that's another post.  We left to rest, the next time we would see our boys they would be downstairs in their little rooms hooked up to tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of equipment.  The following three hours was spent with follow ups from doctors and nurses all of who did their best to set our minds at ease.  

So my little men who are now at home safe and sound, I hope that when you read this you learn two things.  Firstly, and perhaps selfishly I hope you realize what a miracle you are and how much we love you.  I also hope you see how sometimes life seems to take you on a detour, and more often then not it seems to do so when you are traveling a hundred miles an hour.  During these times you will experience a range of emotions, which many times will be conflicting.  You will have a choice of tuning them out, numbing your senses and getting by.  Or you can open yourself up to your emotions, let them take over your being and experience life to its fullest.  I do not pretend to be solely in favour of the latter, at many times I have chosen to close myself off, to push down emotions and to focus on getting things done.  However, I would suggest that the more you dare yourself to feel and truly let life impact you, the more connected you will be to yourself and those around you.  So, while there will be times for either approach, but what is important is that you don't solely subscribe to one...even when it is difficult challenge yourself to live and feel every day.

Love, Dad

Life Lesson For My Little Men #4

So here I sit thinking back to the last few months and trying to remember what happened.  Truthfully, time sped by and things happened at a pace that I had not experienced before in my life.  When you have two little ones on the way, the planning and decisions tended to be a blur and you arrive at a place where you are comfortable without really knowing how you got there.  Toward the end of the summer, this is where we found ourselves.  My wife went back to work (she's a teacher), and things started to speed up for me with both work a school coming together...deadlines, deadlines, deadlines.  

So we found ourselves in the last week of August with a shower planned for the 2nd week of September, a nursery that was painted (as of the week before) filled with half assembled furniture and little time for the next few weeks to really do much work.  This was going to be alright because we would get through the first few weeks of busy times and as things started to round into form toward the middle of the month we would pick up where we left off, buy a few more things for the babies (like one of those mobile things for the crib), hang some art or maybe some curtains, and be truly prepared long before they were scheduled to arrive.  The last Thursday in August (two days before Labour Day Weekend here in Canada, trust me the irony is not lost on me) we went in for an ultrasound.  During our appointment the tech. went and found the doctor which had happened before and was pretty standard although this time it didn't feel standard.  After a lengthy conversation, we found out that something wasn't quite right and that my wife would have to come into the hospital the following day for another ultrasound and possibly kept for the weekend so that there would be access to the equipment during the holiday.  The issue, while I am not sure of medical terminology, is that it appeared that the two rooms our little ones had inhabited had joined together and that our babies had not grown in size in four weeks.  If this issue would reverse itself then there would be no problem, if it didn't then we would have to consider inducing labour early...at the time, no biggy, we'll get through it.  

The following day, I am at work on the busiest day of the year.  Things are going well and I plan on coming up to the hospital with a bag full of goodies to get my wife through the weekend.  As I am packing things up I get a call and for the second time in our pregnancy I answer a phone to tears..."Get Here As Soon As You Can" the voice says and quickly hangs up...I grab what I can and head to the hospital.  I don't know how I got there, how long it took or even if I touched the ground from the parking lot up the stairs and into the Birthing Unit, all that I remember was a feeling of dread.  Once I found my wife I discovered that her water had broken on our dog walk that morning (who knew) and that she had actually been in labour since noon.  The hospital was frantically looking for a more advanced unit to transfer us to because they were not prepared for 31 week twins.  Tense moments passed and we received the OK to be transferred to Sunnybrook hospital in Toronto, my wife by Ambulance and I in our car after stopping to pick up a few more things for overnight.  Again, a blur of a car ride home and then downtown, quick phone calls to parents and siblings to ask for help with the dog and cat and to keep us all in their thoughts as things progressed.  

Looking back on this part of our experience, it is very hard to express all of the ideas, thoughts and emotions of the day.  It is equally challenging to put in perspective so that others can truly understand.  What I do remember was feeling strangely at ease, despite all of the tension and running around.  That those around me (meaning my family, colleagues and friends) were far more worried than I was or we were...perhaps it's because we had inside information or perhaps it was because we had each other...I do know that once I arrived at Sunnybrook and even before that, while we were together seeing my wife gave me a sense that everything was going to be alright.  

So my "almost home" little men, the lesson I have learned from this is to believe in yourself and those you love when in high pressure situations.  You will experience things that you are not prepared for throughout your life and you will have people who help you find your calm self and others who you will need to help find their calm selves.  You have an incredible power to overcome, resiliency in times of crisis is something that is in your DNA, remember to breathe and take stock and believe.  Sometimes, you will need to be the rock...relish these moments to be at your best and you will do great things.

Love, Dad

Life Lesson for My Little Men #2

So the first thing people ask when they find out your pregnant is usually do you know what you are having.  This question is often the first place your mind goes after the initial shock, surprise and joy wears off.  At this point in time the practical begins to set in and you begin to think about things like decorating and names.  For some, I imagine that this debate (to find out or not to find out) may take some time to come to a resolution and may even lead to some hard feelings among couples.  In our case, there really was no debate.  I set out in the beginning (before I knew there were two coming) pretty much set on keeping things a surprise to the end, however, whether it was  a simple realization or a moment of weakness, I found myself deferring to my wife.  I think the realization was that although we would be partners in parenthood and share in our caring and loving of our soon to be babies, when it came to the pregnancy, I was not really the one doing the heavy lifting (unless you count boxes, furniture, luggage, etc.). So after careful consideration and a few teeter-totter moments the decision was made to wait and keep our future babies' genders a surprise.

Over the next few weeks of congratulations and fanfare the question continued to come up.  More often than not people were understanding of our decision although at the same time we were often reminded of how difficult we were making things in terms of planning.  In many cases, this was unintentional, "Good for you," people would say, "with twins I couldn't do that."  Others were more overt stating that we were crazy for not finding out.  At times, we would doubt our decision on these practical terms...we would have to think about 4 different names, we would have to visualize three very different futures and we couldn't really shop ahead because you would be surprised about how little gender neutral baby gear/attire is out there (I kept pushing for grey and beige onesies, but there is only so much bland one can accept).  However, in our eyes these were minor inconveniences that didn't compare to the excitement and surprise to come on the day of their birth.  Plus it would make for a good guessing game for relatives and friends over the next few months.  Now I am not trying to say that waiting to learn the gender of your baby(ies) is the only way to go, it was just our way and I am glad we stuck to it despite the occasional suggestion that we were making things more difficult.  The surprise when our two sons arrived was a defining moment in our lives.

So, my two little men, the important thing to remember is that there will be moments when you have to make decisions that may make your life more difficult in order to achieve your goals or maintain your values.  At the same time you will meet people who will tell you that you are crazy for taking the road less traveled.  When faced with these moments remember to stay true to yourself and be confident in your decision.  There will also be times when a family member or friend will be making a similar decision and will seemingly be making a bad choice.  During these times you will need to be supportive, empathetic and compassionate because as much as you may feel you can offer advice, you can never truly walk in somebody else's shoes.  In short, stay true to yourself in everything you do and respectfully allow others the freedom to do the same without judgment.

Life Lesson For My Little Men #1

When we first found out we were pregnant, and I say we because I am sharing my experience although I know that my wife did most of the work on that front, we experienced all emotions imaginable.  First of all, we were surprised.  We hadn't been trying to get pregnant but more so, we hadn't been trying not to get pregnant for a month or two and so when it happened so quickly, I think surprise was the most natural feeling.  Next came an overwhelming feeling of joy and excitement.  Things were about to change a great deal in our lives and the thought of caring for a new little one and watching them grow up brought tears to both of our eyes.  The third emotion, which again I think is totally natural, was worry and doubt.  Doubt in our abilities.  Doubt in our preparation.  Doubt in the finances (let's be honest, that was my department...as I am sure it is with many dads-to-be).  And thus, the roller coaster started...pretty much from the time the little stick indicated we were expecting.  Over the next few weeks, the levels of doubt subsided and joy and anticipation took over.  We picked up books, read websites and began preparing.  We went to our first ultrasound and got our first glimpse at the little kidney bean shaped beginnings of our child to be.  Then came the first appointment with the OBGYN.  I was at work when I received a frantic call from my wife and immediately thought the worst.  As I walked quickly from my office to ensure cell phone reception my office is in a windowless bunker) and to get a bit of privacy I anticipated the worst.  Through tears on the other end of the line she said, "It's not what your thinking, it's good news, I think."  At this point, I am clueless and waited for what felt like ages before a further explanation arrived.  "We are expecting twins."  For the next few minutes we reassured each other that this news was great, that it didn't really change anything and we were truly excited.  Over the next few days, doubt began to resurface as a secondary emotion.  At times, our strength and resolve would fade and we would need reassurance that things were going to be okay.  I am not entirely sure what truly helped us through the tougher times, beyond the obvious joy of being parents-to-be.  I would like to say it was my undeniable strength of character, however, I know that isn't true...and let's be honest, there are very few people in this world who can be rock solid all of the time (perhaps maybe Hugh Jackman, he seems like he is chiseled out of stone).  In the end, I feel that maybe it had more to do with the strength of our relationship with each other, family and friends that helped through the darker times.  Whenever one of us was struggling their was always somebody to help focus on the positive, the joy and the love in our lives past, present and future.  In the end, we both knew in our hearts that this was something that we were not only ready for, but that would be the greatest experience of our lives.  So, to couch this all in a life lesson for my little men I would say this.  Are there cloudy days??? Of course, but in the end without clouds would we appreciate the sun or a cold bevy on a hot day (if you're anything like your dad...this statement will make a lot of sense in about 18 years...and it better be 18 years;) ). Remember during those cloudy or difficult times that you don't have to go it alone. That there will always be others who can help you through tough times and to see the light in any situation. Your mother and I will be two of those people, but there will also be many others, please don't hesitate to seek out help. 

Keep smilin'

IC