Life Lesson For My Little Men #26

So after a few months of struggling through the ever increasing needs of baby proofing (struggling being a poor choice of words, but the best that I can find to fit), I think we have finally come to a reasonable balance between safety and the need to live some semblance of a realistic existence.  As I noted in an earlier post, when James and Andrew began crawling life for Adrienne and I dramatically changed.  Nothing it seems was off limits and for our little ones, the word “No” usually results in a wry smile and giggle as we continue to do what it was that got Dad or Mom so riled up in the first place.  I have decided that it might be beneficial for folks to read a little about this journey as you find your way through the exploration phase. 

First off, anything made of paper is not only tearable but edible…good to know if you have a magazine rack or books that are within 3 and half feet from the ground.  Next, if it is new to them (i.e. They have not seen it in the past 24 hours), then it is brand new and needs to be touched or preferably put in their mouths.  Another nice twist on this dynamic with twins is that it maybe new to one of them and then five minutes later new to the other…creating a constantly rotating game of keep away and possible jealousy.  Another good thing to note is that as they become stronger and can stand, what was out of reach quickly becomes in reach or at least worth making the effort for.  This includes, items on the kitchen table and pets.  If you have a cat it will be a good idea to help your babies (y) understand how to be gentle and what parts (tail) are off limits.  We have also turned off the pilot light on our gas fireplace.  There are grates that you can buy to keep little hands away from the incredibly hot glass, but until we take that leap we thought it was best to leave nothing to chance.  Another good thing to know is that you will have to buy a few things, here’s a list of what we have found works:

1) Safety gates (we bought an even-flo gate from sears, and then Canadian Tire, when we discovered that a tension gate at the top of a short flight of stairs wasn’t quite up to the task). http://www.evenflo.com/product.aspx?id=230

2)   Outlet covers (initially we bought the traditional stick in to the socket covers, but these quickly became a source of entertainment for our lads so we went back to the drawing board and purchased a sliding cover that works on springs). http://www.kidco.com/products-page/electrical/s205/

3)   Cupboard door locks (in the kitchen we have a combination of Ikea basic drawer locks and the magnetic ones that unlock with a key.  Both require some drilling in your cabinets, which caused a bit of apprehension at first, but as long as you are comfortable with a drill and take your time, you’ll be fine). http://www.tot-lok.com/

4)   Our TV stand has two sliding glass drawers that required additional locking mechanisms
http://www.kidco.com/products-page/locks-latches/s410/
5)   Oven knob guards (we have a gas oven and the knobs are on the front, so even if they aren’t able to light it, they could turn it on.  So these are incredibly important).

http://www.safetysuperstore.com/product/18641/clearly_safe_stove_knob_locks/

As I mentioned above, this is an ever-evolving process.  Each day our boys become stronger and more independent meaning that we have to find new ways to keep dangerous objects out of their way.  However, the look of pride that crosses their face when they take a few steps or find something new is completely worth the effort needed to make our place safer.

So my little men who find new ways to make me smile with every minute of every day, I think an important thing to remember is this.  Often we try and do everything to keep those that we love safe from harm, and sometimes we do so at the expense of learning.  We have tried not to remove every obstacle in your way, as obstacles will be a part of your everyday.  Similarly, we often learn to avoid things that may push our limits of understanding or ability, just ask your mom about the two times I have been inline skating with her.  This is a challenging lesson to unlearn.  Life is about discovery.  Modern life has found ways for us to stay in a bubble, but it has also afforded us with great possibilities to learn new things.  It will be important for you to keep an open mind and truly explore the world around you beyond the borders of comfort, safety and ease…please try and take every opportunity to be brave and while the important caveat is that you find balance in doing so, I don’t say so with the thought towards extending limits but to ask you to think before you leap.

Keep exploring, discovering, smiling and laughing!!!!

Love,

Dad

PS – Thanks for your help with the laundry the other day.  Your mom and I truly appreciate the enthusiasm with which you help us unfold what is folded and empty the basket…you have a gift.

Life Lesson for My Little Men #18

Now I am sure that I am not the best person to write this blog.  The best person would be the person that spends the most time with my two young sons, their mother.  However, because blogging is my thing and not hers, you will have to make due with my best offering.  What is interesting about our sons is that from very early on, they have been incredibly similar and yet different.  They were born only a few minutes apart and at birth their was little difference in their physical traits.  They have carried this starting point through the early part of their lives often having less than an ounce or two between them in weight and virtually identical heights.  Equally interesting though is how different they are and how early these differences have become noticeable.


To the naked and untrained eye, meaning most strangers, they look identical, but we can tell the difference.  Andrew has been lucky enough to inherit his father's awfully large and round head where as James has been blessed by his mothers, longer and thinner face.  In terms of personality they are incredibly different.  James is the local goof ball often sharing in a quick laugh and voicing his opinion with a shrill squeal that would put most birds of prey to shame.  We often exclaim that he has velociraptor in his DNA.  Another interesting fact is that James is generally a happy baby but when he goes off, does he ever go off and is harder to bring back than Bonnie from over the ocean or the sea (or however that song goes).  He will sob through many of the normal comforts and often can't be consoled with the exception of a well timed gag to get him laughing or some needed mom time.


Andrew on the other hand, tends to be more even keel.  He is quieter, is slower to laugh but also slower to cry.  His disposition is often harder to crack in terms of a laugh but again, when you get him going her will let out a honk that will warm your heart and hurt your cheeks.  He will continue to honk like a goose at the slightest inkling of a repeat performance or continuation of the gag.  He is also the more impatient of the two as he voices his displeasure quickly if he feels that he has sat two long between spoonfuls.


What is consistent about the two of them is that they are inconsistent.  I write this blog fully knowing that in two or three weeks, this description will seem completely inaccurate, but I thought it important to note how incredibly different they are.  The squealer and the honker as we will call them never cease to amaze us.  What one likes for food the other will tolerate (usually with a horrified look on his face).  The squealer is a late riser, while the honker is up most days shortly after his dad.  The squealer is quick to get into everything and anything within reach where as the honker seems to be much more deliberate about his ventures.  The squealer is not so good with the whole under water thing, where as the honker's calm demeanor pays huge dividends in his training to be the next Michael Phelps.  


All this, as mentioned above, will probably change next week, so we can never put much stock in things staying the same for long with the exception of: they both love their dog and cat (look out Arthur when they start crawling it is on), they both get really excited about bath time, they both have a smile that lights up the darkest room, they both adore their mom (and can you blame them), in fact this list could go on for quite some time...I guess in the end they are more similar than I thought, but I won't be fooled into treating them the same.  Perhaps one of the most evident challenges in raising twins is the insistance of others that they are the same.  This can be done overtly or subtly.  The use of words like they, the boys, the twins, etc. provide a challenge for others but also us as parents.  For example the question "how are they sleeping," assumes that they must share the same internal clock and pattern...I'll destroy this myth...they don't.  Whenever possible, we try and refer to them by their names rather than as a collective.  Believe me though, this is hard even for us as parents, and I certainly am not offended when others use those words to ask a question out of curiosity or care for James or Andrew.  I only raise it as something to be mindful of, as I think it represents something that we often do in an increasingly complex world, seeking simplicity by assuming sameness. 


So my little men, as you begin to explore the world around you I hope you can find ways to appreciate all of the difference and diversity that this world has to offer.  It's true that you will find similarities and familiarities in people that you meet throughout your journey but it is incredibly important that you remember that for all of the similarities that we celebrate we often forget to celebrate our difference.  This difference can be expressed in many ways and has often been portrayed as something to be wary of or even fear, despite the truth that it is what makes the mosaic that is life more beautiful.  Ask questions, hold back assumptions and seek to understand and enjoy what makes you unique from your brother, your parents, your neighbour, your friend or a person you have never met whether across a crowded restaurant or on the other side of the world.  This understanding will help you build incredible relationships, a colourful and complete life and leave a legacy of acceptance and encouragement for those around you.


Love,


Dad

Life Lesson for My Little Men #5

So my last post was a bit of a cliff hanger, but I didn't know how to put that entire experience into one post and so I thank you for you patience.  On September 2nd, 2011 my wife went into labour at 31 weeks gestation.  We were transferred to Sunnybrook hospital and into a brand new birthing unit which was a blessing in disguise.  When I arrived at the hospital, shortly after my wife (ok, I am not sure how shortly after it was, I had done the fatherly thing and picked up the camera and some food for the evening) I walked into the preparations for an epidural.  We had talked about the possibility of this happening and as I have mentioned before, in all matters related to my wife's body I defer to her judgment.  I was introduced to our nurse for the evening and helped provide comfort through the process.  

Not long after (again, I caution those of you who have not experienced this that time is relative) we were waiting on a ultrasound to determine where are two little babies were.  When the resident arrived she completed the ultrasound and checked how far along my wife was and low and behold, she was at 10 cm and ready to go.  The whirlwind of activity that ensued was beyond any level of organization I have ever witnessed.  The next thing I knew I was in an operating room surrounded by 10 very well trained medical people holding onto my camera, my wife's purse and some other bag, that I am not even sure was ours...but let's be honest, I was lucky that I still had all my clothes on given how fast thing were moving.  During the rest of the actual birth I did my job.  As is the case in crisis situations I have dealt with in the past, I relied on my training (thank god for "realities of childbirth"...even if we would miss the last two classes).  Holding my wife's back as she pushed and struggled to deliver our two little bundles was an amazing experience.  It is quite possible that I wasn't being overly helpful, and surrounded by all of those doctors and nurses, I am quite confident that my role was relatively small, but at that time, I felt like I was so connected to what was going on.  All of the worries drifted away and all that mattered was that moment.  

No matter how much preparation goes into the anticipation of hearing the first little cry, you will never be ready for the flood of emotions.  Hearing that tiny little voice followed by the pronouncement "It's a boy!" made me feel more like a dad than all the months leading up to that point.  We saw our first son for all of ten seconds before he was whisked away to a prep room for the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  We were able to see them on a cctv flat screen above our heads.  Things were going well, he was small but breathing and our focus returned to pushing out the second little one.  Again, time seemed to fly by and shortly after that the second little chirp and another announcement from the doctor "It's another boy!".  Again, the quick show and tell and off he went to the back room.  I stayed with my wife for a few moments and once I was given the all clear went to see my two boys as they were getting cleaned up for transfer to their new home. 

Both were small 2.5 and just under 3lbs.  Both were placed on CPAP, to control and support their breathing, and both were being carefully supported by a team of nurses. Pictures were taken, little hands were held, fingers and toes were counted...and then the happy mother was able to come and visit.  The look of pride in her eyes brought tears to mine.  We had done it...well she had done it.  They had made it...or had they...What I am getting at here is the weird emotional roller-coaster of that day.  Yes, there was a sense of relief...they were here and reasonably healthy...but at the same time we were worried.  Worried about what was to come for them, for us and for our families.  Similarly, I have never felt more unsure of the future and yet I was surprisingly okay with that.  They were well taken care of and all we could do was wait...which would be the story of the next 6 weeks...but that's another post.  We left to rest, the next time we would see our boys they would be downstairs in their little rooms hooked up to tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of equipment.  The following three hours was spent with follow ups from doctors and nurses all of who did their best to set our minds at ease.  

So my little men who are now at home safe and sound, I hope that when you read this you learn two things.  Firstly, and perhaps selfishly I hope you realize what a miracle you are and how much we love you.  I also hope you see how sometimes life seems to take you on a detour, and more often then not it seems to do so when you are traveling a hundred miles an hour.  During these times you will experience a range of emotions, which many times will be conflicting.  You will have a choice of tuning them out, numbing your senses and getting by.  Or you can open yourself up to your emotions, let them take over your being and experience life to its fullest.  I do not pretend to be solely in favour of the latter, at many times I have chosen to close myself off, to push down emotions and to focus on getting things done.  However, I would suggest that the more you dare yourself to feel and truly let life impact you, the more connected you will be to yourself and those around you.  So, while there will be times for either approach, but what is important is that you don't solely subscribe to one...even when it is difficult challenge yourself to live and feel every day.

Love, Dad