How do you summarize 4 years of learning and growing in one blog post? You don't. In fact, it would make little sense to try. Four years of lessons taught, lessons learned, insights gained and opportunities gone by would be challenging to fit in a novel so instead, I'm going to write about one exchange that took place late in the day, when dad and his sons were both wiped.
We spent yesterday at Canada's Wonderland. I was fortunate to take the day off work, which can be personally challenging as this is a point in the year when work is beyond busy and I am beyond personally invested in being there. The day at Wonderland was filled with rides, dinosaurs, funnel cake and walking. It was tiring. At one point, James was asked what ride he wanted to go on next. His response, "is there a ride that is shaped like a bed? One that is a soft bed I can have a little rest on." By the time 3 pm came around we were all done and began the commute home, which meant more walking. At home it was dinner with grandparents and the opening of a few gifts. By the time bedtime came around everyone needed it.
We measured heights on the chart on the wall noting both have added about 3.5" in the last year. After a few stories and the brushing of teeth we began the slow migration into bed. When James and Andrew get tired, they get chatty. They can talk a conversation in circles better than any politician and as I heard the same thing for the third time I began to get frustrated. Eventually, I played the stern voice card which given their mental state led to tears. As I realized my error in patience and comforted James, I offered an explanation/excuse for my frustration. That's when Andrew looked at me and said, "Dad, why when you are frustrated do you not speak in your normal voice? Why do you use your angry voice?" In a moment, I learned how much they have grown and learned. We have often encouraged James and Andrew to talk out their frustrations. We have often asked them to reflect on how a situation might have gone better had they been able to express their feelings without using their angry voice. I have often thought that they weren't hearing us. And yesterday I was proved wrong. Oh they are hearing and have even learned to question what they see as inappropriate behaviour when an adult does it.
So four years later and I am still amazed at how being their dad makes me feel. On a daily basis I feel pride, happiness, love, kindness, charmed, gracious, thankful, and the list goes on. Somedays I feel frustrated, and that's okay as long as I express that frustration in a way that is appropriate (firm, kind, and sincere). Andrew and James, you taught me that!
Love on your 4th birthday,
Dad
This time of year marks a pretty important time in my annual calendar. As somebody who works with and educates university students, it marks the beginning of another academic year. As the father of James and Andrew, it represents the anniversary of them entering our lives. All in all, the last week of August/first week of September is an inherently busy time in my life. This year has been no different, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Each September I have the fortune of experiencing the same renewal that many feel during the new year. It's a time of promise, of ending reflection and beginning to take action (not that action wasn't required in the lead up, it's just moved up in the priority list), and perhaps most importantly it's a time of seemingly endless energy, spark, and enthusiasm. Each September marks a new beginning. An opportunity for new students to experience an institution for the first time. An opportunity for returning students to renew their passion and reach for their potential. An opportunity for graduating students to round the final bend and raise their hands in recognition. An opportunity for me to ride on the coat tails of this spirit in reaching a few of my own goals. What I have learned over the last decade of doing this work is that by far the most important aspect of my job (and the part that I find most rewarding) is supporting students in realizing their dreams. For each person this is entirely different and involves taking time to listen but also placing priority on being present and available.
This September, a great deal of attention has been paid in the media to events occurring at various post-secondary institutions around the country. I thought it may be important to reflect and express my thoughts as somebody who has spent the better part of my adult life involved in the transition of new students to university. First off, I am not surprised that inappropriate chants and activities have come to the attention of the media. This is in no way a condoning statement but in fact is just the unfortunate reality on campuses today. In my experience working with students on planning orientation activities it is rare that students do not understand the gravity of the message, however, how that understanding translates into action is quite the opposite. This is especially true when the words "tradition" come into play. You would be amazed at how often "we have always done that" is used to excuse behaviour that in all other aspects is vile and reprehensible. However, in my opinion that's precisely why it is important that students play a role in planning and implementing these activities...the conversation that is had with an educated professional and the learning occurs during that conversation. In today's world of higher education, it is increasingly important that students are exposed to learning beyond the classroom and that this learning consist of more than simply practical opportunities to apply what they have learned in class...why? Because there is an incredible amount that they are not taught as a part of the curriculum. This is even more the case in non-liberal arts programs. Truthfully, if not for exposure to these concepts through extra-curricular involvement, most students are left on their own...or in the hands of peers and media to form opinions on an incredible number of topics that one might consider important to our society's future (diversity, healthy sexual relationships, the sustainability of the environment, etc.) I often point to my own education as a case example. When I attended university for my undergraduate degree in business, we had a quarter credit devoted to ethics in business...out of 20 credits. Now I could have taken elective courses as a part of that 20 which would have contributed to my understanding of ethical behaviour, however, the option was mine. I hope you see the challenge that this represents.
When done right, university orientation should be a time of connection, finding one's place (belonging), academic adjustment, resource building, discovery and exploration, and most importantly safe and inclusive. The fact that incidents like those mentioned in the article linked above exist should not be met with outright condemnation of the events or students involved. It should, however, lead us to ask the questions about how we can make changes and use this as a learning opportunity. I don't in anyway begrudge the media attention that has been directed to these incidents, nor am I "siding" with the students...I don't feel that this has been blown out of proportion. I do think that this conversation needed to happen and I am encouraged by the dialogue it has created. In the end, these are mistakes that young people make...not excusable by any means, but evident of a larger issue facing us, the education and development of our youth.
So my little men, who are busy learning how to put words into sentences, this message is very timely and deviates from the normal lessons I have for you as it is not derived from your current behaviour or my reflections on your growth. My hope is that as you grow, you will take the opportunity to learn the importance of valuing others...and not just those that you know but also those you don't. If we (society) could truly find a way to equate the value of ALL then the attitudes expressed in misogynistic, hetero-normative, racist and insensitive chants and behaviour should not be an issue. In today's world, we are surrounded with messages about the value that we can place on things (material things, social services, economic development, sustainability), however what is often absent is the message about the value we place on every living thing we interact with. That value, so you are aware, is beyond all measures of physical wealth and should be what helps ground you. I choose that word (ground) because it is often too easy to have your own values challenged and diluted by the actions of your peers. In these times, when things start to go awry or feel "icky" it is important that you take a stand, express your concern, and assist and support the learning process. If that is something you don't feel safe doing, then my hope would be that you have somebody that you feel comfortable telling and asking for help...heck, it could be me.
Love always,
Dad
PS - I love our wrestling/bouncing escapades...however, on a full stomach I am not sure that the outcome is what you desire (consider this fair warning)
