We have a walker!!! It's been a few weeks in the making and I feel that I held off making any sort of claim before taking a couple of frantic steps and then sitting became a full on walk from one end of the dining room to the other. Talk about incredible. It's amazing to see just how much pride can flow from such a tiny little man, eyes beaming, huge smiles as he walks towards his dad/victim for a huge pile on. The inevitable next question is, if James is walking what about Andrew? For a short time, we thought that maybe he just didn't want to. He can reach just about anything that he wants by using the walls, furniture and other assorted items to get where he needs to go. He has a walker which he uses to torment the dog, cat and yes his younger brother while laughing maniacally (something we hope he loses by the time he can drive, coincidentally the walker has a horn). However, given some of the more recent happenings including an accidental stand and few quick steps forward now have us thinking that Andrew isn't there yet because he isn't confident in his ability.
Here's what we have noticed. James, started standing on his own at the beginning of the summer. He would stand up for a few seconds and then quickly sit down. Andrew was happier on the ground and while he will now stand up on his own (if he has something to hold onto) he will only do so as long as he has support. When James took his first few steps we fully expected that he would slowly progress to walking for longer periods of time...very quickly it was obvious that what was holding him back was not ability but confidence. As soon as he realized he could do it, and also what walking enables him to do, he has progressed to it being his primary mode of getting from A to B (Block A has a picture of a frog on it and Block B an air plane?!?!). Andrew is still taking his time figuring this out. The other day, I lifted Andrew up by his hips and set his feet on the floor. He stood there for a bit, I don't think he realized that I wasn't holding him up, then he staggered forward before sitting on his bum. This few seconds of free standing glory cemented our theory (well kinda cemented...) that he is just lacking the belief he can do it. It wasn't until he noticed that I had let go that he started to bend his knees into a sitting position.
So now what? How do you build confidence in a 13 month old? We are gradually weening him off the walker (more for the safety of all who happen to be sitting or standing in the general proximity of his intended path than for the walking). We are sure to praise him each time he makes a step forward (pun intended). And we are calling him and encouraging him to take on this challenge. At the end of the day, all we can do, I suppose, is create an environment where he believes he can succeed and is safe enough that he won't hurt himself when he doesn't. Interestingly enough, it seems that his slow acceptance of bi-pod transportation is more of an issue for his mom and dad than it is for him...It's not that we worry that he isn't keeping up from a self conscious parent perspective, but more so it is difficult to heap praise on James and see him smile while Andrew sits by his toys and looks a bit bewildered by the whole thing. In the end, I am sure he will get there, so really, I guess, what does it matter.
So my little men I guess what I am taking from this moment in our story is this, never underestimate the importance in being confident when starting something new. Often times, we encounter new things, sometimes by choice and sometimes not...and equally often, how we approach these new things is directly related to how much confidence we have in our abilities to succeed. Clearly, we are taught this at a very young age. I wouldn't say it is intentional but simply the natural inclination of a thinking and feeling being...that is to say that if the result of unsuccessfully trying something new is a lump on the head, of course the next time we try we will be a bit more cautious. As you grow, the physical lumps become fewer and fewer but the emotional ones make up the difference and then some. Try your best to find a balance of confidence and caution, don't be discouraged by failure (it is a better teacher than success), and remember that if you truly put your mind to something you will get there, eventually...when you are ready...
Love Dad
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Life Lesson For My Little Men #27
So as I sit here eating my lunch by myself in my office, I am reflecting on food and eating, what it means to me, my family and perhaps less so, what it means to the collective "US". I find food interesting because it plays such a pivotal role in our lives...I guess it makes sense from a sustaining our physical selves stand point but where it gets interesting is the role it has in our emotional and social well being. How often do we meet somebody over coffee and a bite? When I go to conferences, the meet-and-greet portion always has food and drinks. All of our major family occasions revolve around a large meal. Clearly we are conditioned through evolution or social engineering to desire food as catalyst for social interaction at minimum a support.
What intrigues me currently is that for James and Andrew, this is not the case. Currently, they are in a place where food very much meets a physical need. They get cranky when it isn't ready on time sometimes to the point of meltdown. They eat when they are hungry rather than to survive an awkward moment socially or as an excuse to say hi. They truly are in food as a means to survival and growth mode...but this maybe changing. Since starting them on solid food (a while back), they have often turned up their noses at something that didn't taste "good". This was often the case with new foods which after a night or two of peddling to them and in some cases trying to shove into their pried open jaws would finally be considered reasonable or at least edible. More recently, both James and Andrew have been eying any food that Adrienne or I eat. More specifically reaching for cheerios, crackers, ice cream, etc. Over thanksgiving as we all munched on appetizers, there they were munching right along...going off for a walk and then coming back for more. This past weekend we attended a family birthday party where James and Andrew discovered potato chips, bugles, cheesies and other such goodies...after eating a few of these items, they decided that spaghetti wasn't good enough for dinner and that they would hold out...leaving us with two very upset boys later in the evening. Bellies were empty but they were refusing to eat the non-junk food...All this is to say that they are starting to notice that food plays a different role then simply filling your belly but that it also is something that we do to pass time, to provide distraction in social settings, to meet around and when it's available to graze on as we go about our business. Maybe this isn't a momentous shift in their perception of sustenance, maybe I am reading into it too much...but it has made for some interesting things to ponder.
So my little men who are now wandering from chair to chair and wall to wall in an effort to transverse much of the house without sitting I guess that what might be important to take from this is how lucky we are that food, something that in parts of the world (including our own country) is far from plentiful is something that can have so many meanings for us. Being able to pick and choose what you want to eat is a luxury that many of us take for granted. Similarly being able to gather family and friends around a table of food is a richness that certainly not everyone can afford. We are in a fortunate place, one that allows us to connect emotion to something physical but it is important to try not to allow it to quantify that emotion. After all, we should be able to feel this way whether we are surrounding a pumpkin pie or an empty table.
Love,
Dad.
PS - Eat your veggies!
PPS - The Newspaper is not a veggie!!!!
What intrigues me currently is that for James and Andrew, this is not the case. Currently, they are in a place where food very much meets a physical need. They get cranky when it isn't ready on time sometimes to the point of meltdown. They eat when they are hungry rather than to survive an awkward moment socially or as an excuse to say hi. They truly are in food as a means to survival and growth mode...but this maybe changing. Since starting them on solid food (a while back), they have often turned up their noses at something that didn't taste "good". This was often the case with new foods which after a night or two of peddling to them and in some cases trying to shove into their pried open jaws would finally be considered reasonable or at least edible. More recently, both James and Andrew have been eying any food that Adrienne or I eat. More specifically reaching for cheerios, crackers, ice cream, etc. Over thanksgiving as we all munched on appetizers, there they were munching right along...going off for a walk and then coming back for more. This past weekend we attended a family birthday party where James and Andrew discovered potato chips, bugles, cheesies and other such goodies...after eating a few of these items, they decided that spaghetti wasn't good enough for dinner and that they would hold out...leaving us with two very upset boys later in the evening. Bellies were empty but they were refusing to eat the non-junk food...All this is to say that they are starting to notice that food plays a different role then simply filling your belly but that it also is something that we do to pass time, to provide distraction in social settings, to meet around and when it's available to graze on as we go about our business. Maybe this isn't a momentous shift in their perception of sustenance, maybe I am reading into it too much...but it has made for some interesting things to ponder.
So my little men who are now wandering from chair to chair and wall to wall in an effort to transverse much of the house without sitting I guess that what might be important to take from this is how lucky we are that food, something that in parts of the world (including our own country) is far from plentiful is something that can have so many meanings for us. Being able to pick and choose what you want to eat is a luxury that many of us take for granted. Similarly being able to gather family and friends around a table of food is a richness that certainly not everyone can afford. We are in a fortunate place, one that allows us to connect emotion to something physical but it is important to try not to allow it to quantify that emotion. After all, we should be able to feel this way whether we are surrounding a pumpkin pie or an empty table.
Love,
Dad.
PS - Eat your veggies!
PPS - The Newspaper is not a veggie!!!!
Monday, September 24, 2012
Life Lesson For My Little Men #26
So after a few months of struggling through
the ever increasing needs of baby proofing (struggling being a poor choice of
words, but the best that I can find to fit), I think we have finally come to a
reasonable balance between safety and the need to live some semblance of a
realistic existence. As I noted in an
earlier post, when James and Andrew began crawling life for Adrienne and I
dramatically changed. Nothing it seems
was off limits and for our little ones, the word “No” usually results in a wry
smile and giggle as we continue to do what it was that got Dad or Mom so riled
up in the first place. I have decided
that it might be beneficial for folks to read a little about this journey as
you find your way through the exploration phase.
First off, anything made of paper is not
only tearable but edible…good to know if you have a magazine rack or books that
are within 3 and half feet from the ground.
Next, if it is new to them (i.e. They have not seen it in the past 24
hours), then it is brand new and needs to be touched or preferably put in their
mouths. Another nice twist on this
dynamic with twins is that it maybe new to one of them and then five minutes
later new to the other…creating a constantly rotating game of keep away and
possible jealousy. Another good thing to
note is that as they become stronger and can stand, what was out of reach
quickly becomes in reach or at least worth making the effort for. This includes, items on the kitchen table and
pets. If you have a cat it will be a
good idea to help your babies (y) understand how to be gentle and what parts
(tail) are off limits. We have also
turned off the pilot light on our gas fireplace. There are grates that you can buy to keep
little hands away from the incredibly hot glass, but until we take that leap we
thought it was best to leave nothing to chance.
Another good thing to know is that you will have to buy a few things,
here’s a list of what we have found works:
2) Outlet covers (initially we bought the traditional stick in to the socket covers, but these quickly became a source of entertainment for our lads so we went back to the drawing board and purchased a sliding cover that works on springs). http://www.kidco.com/products-page/electrical/s205/
http://www.kidco.com/products-page/locks-latches/s410/
As I mentioned above, this is an ever-evolving
process. Each day our boys become
stronger and more independent meaning that we have to find new ways to keep
dangerous objects out of their way.
However, the look of pride that crosses their face when they take a few
steps or find something new is completely worth the effort needed to make our
place safer.
So my little men who find new ways to make
me smile with every minute of every day, I think an important thing to remember
is this. Often we try and do everything
to keep those that we love safe from harm, and sometimes we do so at the
expense of learning. We have tried not
to remove every obstacle in your way, as obstacles will be a part of your
everyday. Similarly, we often learn to
avoid things that may push our limits of understanding or ability, just ask
your mom about the two times I have been inline skating with her. This is a challenging lesson to unlearn. Life is about discovery. Modern life has found ways for us to stay in
a bubble, but it has also afforded us with great possibilities to learn new
things. It will be important for you to
keep an open mind and truly explore the world around you beyond the borders of
comfort, safety and ease…please try and take every opportunity to be brave and
while the important caveat is that you find balance in doing so, I don’t say so
with the thought towards extending limits but to ask you to think before you
leap.
Keep exploring, discovering, smiling and
laughing!!!!
Love,
Dad
PS – Thanks for your help with the laundry
the other day. Your mom and I truly
appreciate the enthusiasm with which you help us unfold what is folded and
empty the basket…you have a gift.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Life Lesson for my Little Men #25
The other day I had a moment. A moment of doubt. I am not sure what set it off but in that moment I felt as though I could see the future or at least a possible future (If Marty McFly has taught me anything it's that the future hasn't been written yet, that and I really want a Delorean). This moment of doubt centred on my ability (or should I say our) ability to raise our boys to be confident yet respectful members of society. Maybe what set me off was a walk through the mall during back to school time and seeing some children who have so much upset because they couldn't have a bit more or the latest one of "those". Or maybe it was while we were out walking the dog and realized that some young people (and old for that matter) won't move over to share the sidewalk with you. Maybe it was witnessing the sense of entitlement shown by so many members of our society (whether they be young or old or unfortunately elected officials). Whatever it was, I had a moment of doubt...doubt that we would be able to overcome the peer influence that seems so prevalent and is often reinforced by media and advertising.
This combined with James and Andrew's most recent discovery that the best toy is the one my brother has and that if I want something and it is taken away, I should scream and stick out a lower lip that could host big birds nest. I know at just over a year, they aren't really at a point where they understand sharing, and I certainly wouldn't expect them to comprehend the relative privilege that they have inherited but I will admit, it was the first glimpse of a future battle to be fought. The reason I choose the term battle is not because of the expected stubbornness of a pair who can trace their lineage back to Scotland and the Netherlands but because of all of the influences to be overcome. In that moment it truly seemed daunting. So what pulled me out of it. Again, I am not entirely sure, so it must not have been one particularly thing. What I know is that watching how quickly James and Andrew can pick up something new and with how much enthusiasm they learn, I feel that we can nudge, lead and show them the right direction. As I watch them zip around our house, exploring and finding newness around every corner and under every pillow my feelings of doubt are overwhelmed by my realization of what is possible.
So my little men, who are getting into more and more everyday the lesson that I hope you will take (and that you have taught me) from this post is this: Remember that you are both incredibly special people, but that you are no more special than anyone else. This means that each person you meet deserves to be treated as though they are as special as you are. As somebody who works with young people and is in a profession that seeks to support their development, I often meet folks in various stages of their understanding of this fact. The current mellenial generation has been maligned as having a sense of entitlement (which I would argue is interesting given the damage done to our planet by the previous generations in the pursuit of wealth and power), which is not inherited at birth but taught, in some cases by parents who believe that their child is special and above reproach. My hope for you is that you feel confident that you are special, but that within that confidence you have a humility that will lead you to respect even those you have never met for who they are. Finding a balance in this way is challenging given our natural urge to compete, but it is essential to finding happiness with who you are, what you have been given, and how you in turn will give back.
Love,
Dad
PS - I love the fact that each day when I come home from work you have decided to relocate much of the furniture, although you have a flair for the dramatic, I don't always think it is overly functional.
PPS - I don't so much love that you take my book mark out of my book each day (it's like a daily memory test, which I must admit I may not be passing)...but I'll survive
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Life Lessons for my Little Men #24
So it's been a while since my last post and in that time there have been some major developments. The first is the appearance of top teeth, which while making for a much more complete smile has made the occasional feeding a little more painful (at least that's what I have been told). The second is not only the ability to crawl but to do so with incredible speed and on occasion stealth. On our last trip to Sunnybrook for follow up, the doctor and physio attempted to prepare us for the impending acceleration of our sons development. I don't think that there was any question that we belived both of them, after all they had seen this more than we had, however, being our first children and never having experienced the seemingly exponential flurry with which a child begins crawling and almost simultaneously gets into everything while their bravery and curiosity pushes the limits of the sane, I will admit that we were definitely unprepared for what would transpire. Oh and wait, I forgot to mention that all this was multiplied by two.
Interestingly, when we tell people where James and Andrew are at developmentally, the first response is, "it must be so cute to watch them discover things together." Well, I have news for you...quite often, they aren't together. The pitter patter of little hands and knees on the floor is usually heading in opposite directions and if you can keep your eyes on one, then the other is usually loudly exploring something, or worse is quietly discovering something he shouldn't. Nevertheless, the last few weeks have been truly inspiring as a parent. Both James and Andrew know their names and will turn when you call them...they will continue to eat the remote or pull the CDs off the shelf with a big grin...but now, you know that they hear you. They have also really started to develop their sense of humour and have started to interact and make each other laugh. Perhaps the greatest comedic discovery since the knock-knock joke is the little spring that stops your door from slamming into the wall. The "sproooiiingggg!!!!" of this device has gifted us all with countless hours of laughter.
Both our cat and dog are a little less than thrilled with this new adventure in infant mobility. Quincy, our dog, spent the first few days on the second floor hiding from the constant tail and ear pulls and the inevitable pile-on that happens when two maniacal imps track you down. Arthur, the cat, oddly has been a bit more tolerant, however, he too has discovered the sanctity of higher ground on the kitchen chairs (until James decided to surprise him by pulling himself up today). All this is to say that our lives have hit a whirlwind pace. For those of you with little ones, you are probably reading this and nodding...for those of you who haven't gotten this far yet...prepare yourself, it's tiring but it is truly amazing.
So my little men who are currently turning everything into a toy, except your toys, always remember that the only constant in our world is change. Many people struggle with change, and in fact, I would argue that one of the most important factors in your success will be your ability to not only adapt to change but to embrace it. When left with a choice between wishing things were the way they were or seeing the value in an ever evolving reality, I hope you can bright side of the situation. It's not to say that looking back with a smile is a bad thing, but if you spend your days dwelling on how things were, you will miss what is or even worse what might be. One of the nicest parts about being your dad is how my senses have been heightened and my appreciation for all things new has changed for the better. It's true, life will never be the same...but that's kind of the point isn't it...So as I watch you grow and literally take your first steps into the world around you, I can't help but smile...sure there is a small tear because it already seems like you are becoming so independent so quickly...but that tear will have to drift over the biggest, cheekiest grin this world has seen as I look forward to what comes next.
Love,
Dad
Interestingly, when we tell people where James and Andrew are at developmentally, the first response is, "it must be so cute to watch them discover things together." Well, I have news for you...quite often, they aren't together. The pitter patter of little hands and knees on the floor is usually heading in opposite directions and if you can keep your eyes on one, then the other is usually loudly exploring something, or worse is quietly discovering something he shouldn't. Nevertheless, the last few weeks have been truly inspiring as a parent. Both James and Andrew know their names and will turn when you call them...they will continue to eat the remote or pull the CDs off the shelf with a big grin...but now, you know that they hear you. They have also really started to develop their sense of humour and have started to interact and make each other laugh. Perhaps the greatest comedic discovery since the knock-knock joke is the little spring that stops your door from slamming into the wall. The "sproooiiingggg!!!!" of this device has gifted us all with countless hours of laughter.
Both our cat and dog are a little less than thrilled with this new adventure in infant mobility. Quincy, our dog, spent the first few days on the second floor hiding from the constant tail and ear pulls and the inevitable pile-on that happens when two maniacal imps track you down. Arthur, the cat, oddly has been a bit more tolerant, however, he too has discovered the sanctity of higher ground on the kitchen chairs (until James decided to surprise him by pulling himself up today). All this is to say that our lives have hit a whirlwind pace. For those of you with little ones, you are probably reading this and nodding...for those of you who haven't gotten this far yet...prepare yourself, it's tiring but it is truly amazing.
So my little men who are currently turning everything into a toy, except your toys, always remember that the only constant in our world is change. Many people struggle with change, and in fact, I would argue that one of the most important factors in your success will be your ability to not only adapt to change but to embrace it. When left with a choice between wishing things were the way they were or seeing the value in an ever evolving reality, I hope you can bright side of the situation. It's not to say that looking back with a smile is a bad thing, but if you spend your days dwelling on how things were, you will miss what is or even worse what might be. One of the nicest parts about being your dad is how my senses have been heightened and my appreciation for all things new has changed for the better. It's true, life will never be the same...but that's kind of the point isn't it...So as I watch you grow and literally take your first steps into the world around you, I can't help but smile...sure there is a small tear because it already seems like you are becoming so independent so quickly...but that tear will have to drift over the biggest, cheekiest grin this world has seen as I look forward to what comes next.
Love,
Dad
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Life Lesson for my Little Men #23
I have written a great deal about some of the challenges and joys of being a new dad and I guess the theme of this post is more about the increasingly evident change in my identity as I continue to grow in that role. First of all, let me couch this post by saying that despite outside appearances, I am not sure I ever really had "it" all together. I have been quite successful in my life thus far, I have an incredible family, a job I love, I was fortunate to go to University (twice) and I have been able to do some of the things I love along the way. So what has changed? Well, the answer to this is none of the above but best relates to my own perceptions of my own value and ability as I have moved into dad-dom.
One of the things that happens as a Dad, or parent for that matter, is that what was once your time to pull yourself together, get organized and reflect and learn from your experiences disappears. It is replaced by getting other things sort of organized while you run out the door (hopefully with both shoes) to an appointment, swimming lesson or visit...and I am pretty sure that this only increases once your children are walking, playing organized sports, taking piano/guitar lessons, etc. The time you spent reflecting and learning you now spend teaching and learning how to teach...all in all, it feels a bit like somebody found whatever rug you were standing on, gave it a quick tug and while you are falling tosses balls in the air and expects you to catch them. As a detail oriented person, the greatest challenge to my now topsy-turvy life is giving up on some of the details. This goes beyond prioritizing and is more about coming to terms with the fact that there will be times (many times) that you won't be able to give something your all...in fact, I might say that if you are a perfectionist, having a child or in our case, children is a pretty easy way to learn to be satisfied with less than perfect.
Is this a bad thing, I don't necessarily think so. Since James and Andrew were born, I have learned when to be perfect and when to be adequate, and what I can say is that an easy way to prioritize is to start with your family and let everything else follow from there. After all, once your kids are born, it's not really about you anymore...it's really about them or better than that, us. For example, last September, I was finishing up a course for my Masters when James and Andrew arrived. I worked hard to pull my final assignment together but quickly realized that it would be challenging to put my all into my work with so much going on in my life. So, I did something I hadn't done in a long time and simply got something done...it was not perfect, but it was adequate...I got my mark, not my highest...but adequate and I moved on...still have a bit to go on that Masters but I am pretty sure I will get there.
So my little men who are now starting to crawl and explore...it's important to remember that often while we try to be perfect, sometimes it's just not possible. Details are important and being good at detailed work will often set you apart from those you work with, but it is often equally vital for you to be able to determine what requires all of the details to be spot on and what you simply need to get done. As I mentioned above, the one place where I will always strive for perfection is with our family and I hope you will feel that is the case. In the end what I hope you take from this, and what I have learned, is that perfection is something that we often strive for in our own work, in many cases exceeding expectations. When this strive for perfection impacts getting something done, or challenges your ability to fulfill your obligations it indeed becomes problematic. In most of these cases, you do not need to be perfect...recognizing that almost everything you do is a beginning and not an ending...what I mean by this is that there is almost always an opportunity to build on what you have done...So, be happy with what you can accomplish, remember to strive for perfection where it is truly needed and where you find value and don't be afraid to be happy with your best efforts even if there is still room to improve.
Love, Dad
PS - I love the fact that you are crawling and getting into everything but if you could be a little gentler with my DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince CDs I would greatly appreciate it...I have to maintain some memory of when Will Smith was just a skinny rapper from West Philadelphia (Born and Raised)...I'll show you the youtube clips sometime (that is if youtube is still relevant when you read this).
One of the things that happens as a Dad, or parent for that matter, is that what was once your time to pull yourself together, get organized and reflect and learn from your experiences disappears. It is replaced by getting other things sort of organized while you run out the door (hopefully with both shoes) to an appointment, swimming lesson or visit...and I am pretty sure that this only increases once your children are walking, playing organized sports, taking piano/guitar lessons, etc. The time you spent reflecting and learning you now spend teaching and learning how to teach...all in all, it feels a bit like somebody found whatever rug you were standing on, gave it a quick tug and while you are falling tosses balls in the air and expects you to catch them. As a detail oriented person, the greatest challenge to my now topsy-turvy life is giving up on some of the details. This goes beyond prioritizing and is more about coming to terms with the fact that there will be times (many times) that you won't be able to give something your all...in fact, I might say that if you are a perfectionist, having a child or in our case, children is a pretty easy way to learn to be satisfied with less than perfect.
Is this a bad thing, I don't necessarily think so. Since James and Andrew were born, I have learned when to be perfect and when to be adequate, and what I can say is that an easy way to prioritize is to start with your family and let everything else follow from there. After all, once your kids are born, it's not really about you anymore...it's really about them or better than that, us. For example, last September, I was finishing up a course for my Masters when James and Andrew arrived. I worked hard to pull my final assignment together but quickly realized that it would be challenging to put my all into my work with so much going on in my life. So, I did something I hadn't done in a long time and simply got something done...it was not perfect, but it was adequate...I got my mark, not my highest...but adequate and I moved on...still have a bit to go on that Masters but I am pretty sure I will get there.
So my little men who are now starting to crawl and explore...it's important to remember that often while we try to be perfect, sometimes it's just not possible. Details are important and being good at detailed work will often set you apart from those you work with, but it is often equally vital for you to be able to determine what requires all of the details to be spot on and what you simply need to get done. As I mentioned above, the one place where I will always strive for perfection is with our family and I hope you will feel that is the case. In the end what I hope you take from this, and what I have learned, is that perfection is something that we often strive for in our own work, in many cases exceeding expectations. When this strive for perfection impacts getting something done, or challenges your ability to fulfill your obligations it indeed becomes problematic. In most of these cases, you do not need to be perfect...recognizing that almost everything you do is a beginning and not an ending...what I mean by this is that there is almost always an opportunity to build on what you have done...So, be happy with what you can accomplish, remember to strive for perfection where it is truly needed and where you find value and don't be afraid to be happy with your best efforts even if there is still room to improve.
Love, Dad
PS - I love the fact that you are crawling and getting into everything but if you could be a little gentler with my DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince CDs I would greatly appreciate it...I have to maintain some memory of when Will Smith was just a skinny rapper from West Philadelphia (Born and Raised)...I'll show you the youtube clips sometime (that is if youtube is still relevant when you read this).
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Life Lesson For My Little Men #22
So this past Sunday was my first Father's Day as an actual Dad. I guess last year I was an expecting one, so that doesn't count. I figured it would be like any other Sunday, especially given that my sons aren't old enough to talk let alone make breakfast, mow the lawn or wash the car (all things that I did for my dad growing up). I was surprised at the level of emotion I felt on the actual day and how connected to the role of Dad I had become.
The week leading up to Father's Day I was travelling to two conferences for work. Luckily, both were close enough to home that I was able to commute daily, however, on the night of the end of conference banquet, I intended on and in fact stayed over to take advantage of the festivities. Looking back on it, Adrienne and I both feel that I could have stayed the other nights as well, but at the time of booking, things were still so up in the air that we played it safe. So, getting back to my previous point...the reason this was a big deal is that it was the first time since their birth that I spent longer than 24 hours away from James and Andrew. Now as the strong masculine figure in the house I imagine that this isn't supposed to be bothersome or even all that dramatic, but for me it definitely was. For much of the day I was so busy that I didn't really notice, but as dinner drifted into evening and later, I definitely started to feel the separation and as I lay down to close my eyes, I couldn't help but feel the missed smiles as I walked through the door, the sloppy after dinner grins and the good night kisses to end my day. So anyway, there I lay, staring up at a non-descript popcorn ceiling on an uncomfortable mattress with a pillow that makes the Sunday paper seem thick, thinking about my family a few hundred kilometers away. To help me deal with my feelings I started looking through pictures on my phone...I skimmed through photos dating back to the very first moments of James' and Andrew's lives right up until a few days prior to my leaving and a smile slowly crept onto my face. I drifted off to sleep, knowing that in a few short hours (or 12 hours) I would be heading home to the two greatest gifts ever.
Which brings me to Father's Day, a few days after I returned home. The day was perfect, the boys (or Adrienne) got me some great gifts including a World's Best Dad shirt with a picture of Darth Vader on it (I am such a geek) but more importantly it was the cuddliest day we've ever spent together. We played on the floor for hours, sat out on the lawn and for the most part just spent the day, altogether as a family. I truly felt like the luckiest man alive, which made the next day (Monday) even more challenging than normal...back to work, up early and out the door before they really wake up and return home for a few hours together before bed time.
So my little men who each day get bigger and brighter, I guess the lesson I would like to pass on is this: there will be times when you feel like you aren't supposed to feel the way that you do. Sometimes, this is because you feel guilty or remorse about a strong reaction to a situation. Other times it will be because you feel social pressure not to really come to terms with the emotions that are bubbling inside of you. At these times, it is important to be true to your feelings and let them run their course. If that is sadness, don't be scared to cry a little. If it is fear, don't be afraid to seek reassurance as you try to be brave. If it is remorse or guilt, don't be afraid to admit that your wrong. The important part in all of this is that you find yourself, in the end, knowing that you have been true to your self in the most authentic way possible. Remember that generalizations and social norms exist because of how others perceive the "average" experience of fellow humans, not because it is right or because it represents who you should be. In fact, you are far from average and it is my hope that you never think that you need to hide what you are feeling because you don't think that it is what you should feel. After all, being authentic and true to your feelings is often a far braver thing to do than holding back, dulling your senses and letting others dictate how you experience life and love.
Thanks for a wonderful first Father's Day.
Love Dad
The week leading up to Father's Day I was travelling to two conferences for work. Luckily, both were close enough to home that I was able to commute daily, however, on the night of the end of conference banquet, I intended on and in fact stayed over to take advantage of the festivities. Looking back on it, Adrienne and I both feel that I could have stayed the other nights as well, but at the time of booking, things were still so up in the air that we played it safe. So, getting back to my previous point...the reason this was a big deal is that it was the first time since their birth that I spent longer than 24 hours away from James and Andrew. Now as the strong masculine figure in the house I imagine that this isn't supposed to be bothersome or even all that dramatic, but for me it definitely was. For much of the day I was so busy that I didn't really notice, but as dinner drifted into evening and later, I definitely started to feel the separation and as I lay down to close my eyes, I couldn't help but feel the missed smiles as I walked through the door, the sloppy after dinner grins and the good night kisses to end my day. So anyway, there I lay, staring up at a non-descript popcorn ceiling on an uncomfortable mattress with a pillow that makes the Sunday paper seem thick, thinking about my family a few hundred kilometers away. To help me deal with my feelings I started looking through pictures on my phone...I skimmed through photos dating back to the very first moments of James' and Andrew's lives right up until a few days prior to my leaving and a smile slowly crept onto my face. I drifted off to sleep, knowing that in a few short hours (or 12 hours) I would be heading home to the two greatest gifts ever.
Which brings me to Father's Day, a few days after I returned home. The day was perfect, the boys (or Adrienne) got me some great gifts including a World's Best Dad shirt with a picture of Darth Vader on it (I am such a geek) but more importantly it was the cuddliest day we've ever spent together. We played on the floor for hours, sat out on the lawn and for the most part just spent the day, altogether as a family. I truly felt like the luckiest man alive, which made the next day (Monday) even more challenging than normal...back to work, up early and out the door before they really wake up and return home for a few hours together before bed time.
So my little men who each day get bigger and brighter, I guess the lesson I would like to pass on is this: there will be times when you feel like you aren't supposed to feel the way that you do. Sometimes, this is because you feel guilty or remorse about a strong reaction to a situation. Other times it will be because you feel social pressure not to really come to terms with the emotions that are bubbling inside of you. At these times, it is important to be true to your feelings and let them run their course. If that is sadness, don't be scared to cry a little. If it is fear, don't be afraid to seek reassurance as you try to be brave. If it is remorse or guilt, don't be afraid to admit that your wrong. The important part in all of this is that you find yourself, in the end, knowing that you have been true to your self in the most authentic way possible. Remember that generalizations and social norms exist because of how others perceive the "average" experience of fellow humans, not because it is right or because it represents who you should be. In fact, you are far from average and it is my hope that you never think that you need to hide what you are feeling because you don't think that it is what you should feel. After all, being authentic and true to your feelings is often a far braver thing to do than holding back, dulling your senses and letting others dictate how you experience life and love.
Thanks for a wonderful first Father's Day.
Love Dad
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